


Too Close For Comfort

by controversialstories



Category: Jonas Brothers
Genre: Autobiography, Band Of Jonas Brothers, Bottom Nick, Boys In Love, Brother/Brother Incest, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Incest, Joick - Freeform, Jonascest, M/M, POV Alternating, Romance, Sexual Content, Top Joe Jonas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/controversialstories/pseuds/controversialstories
Summary: Nick and Joe Jonas are more than just brothers who happen to be in a famous band together, Nick and Joe are also lovers, both consumed by the need of each other and their forbidden love.Fame finds a way to put a strain in their relationship, as they have to make up a life of two heterosexual males, in order to save their reputation, but their love might just overcome it.Tw: incest
Relationships: Joe Jonas/Nick Jonas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. When We Were Kids

**Joe's POV**

The first memory I have of Nicholas is him crying.  
He would cry all the time, when he was a baby, and that never failed to annoy me.  
I remember all those times where he'd wake me in the middle of the night and I just wanted to strangle him.  
Kevin never seemed to worry too much, I guess he was used to hearing babies cry, since he'd already been through it with me.  
There was never a special relationship between me and Kevin, anyway, we just sort of got along and fought very rarely, but we weren't really that close.  
We accepted each other's presence.  
When Nicholas grew and we were around the age of middle school, we were inseparable and Kevin was pretty jealous.  
It was obvious that he was, his younger brothers being the best of friends, while he was always left out, but I didn't really care at the time, all I wanted was to stay awake as much as I could so that I wouldn't miss a moment of laughter with Nick.  
Our parents were happy about it, as they were afraid their sons would hate each other, but they felt a bit bad for Kevin.  
Not that we didn't love him, he just wasn't a match for us, most of the time. He was boring and obsessed with Christianity, in fact when he was 16 and Nick and I were 11 and 14, Kevin wore a purity ring, he said that he was waiting for the right girl and that he wouldn't "make love" before marrying.  
At that age, when you're filled with hormones, it almost seems impossible that you could wait for that long, right?  
Nick and I still wore that, though, at 14 and 11, because we didn't want to have a bad reputation in the family, given our father was a pastor.  
At that age, we also had to keep an image going.  
In fact, Nick had just released his first singing record.  
What's funny was that a producer had spotted him in a hair salon, when he'd gone there with mom, so Nick had become a star pretty young.  
It was a bit hard on the family, especially me, because I was kept away from my best friend most of the time. I was lucky enough to see him every night at home, but things were slightly different.  
"Nick," I remember asking him one night, "are we still brothers? Because we hardly even speak now, man. Or if we do, we talk about your songs, bro. Am I still relevant?"  
I was surely direct, at 15.  
Nick's braces-filled smile melted my heart in that moment, I can still feel the emotion of it today.  
"You're silly, Joe. You'll always be relevant, and besides, some of the songs I wrote were about you." He giggled. "I will never abandon you."  
And that was true, because our relationship became stronger within the next years.  
One day, two years after Nick's first album was published, we got a call from his agent, who proposed us a deal: she would let me and Kevin audition too, so that we could form a band together.  
Our parents instantly agreed as that would have brought us a lot of money and definitely would have given us a lot of opportunities.  
Nick was already being home-schooled, so that meant that we'd all be.  
So, we agreed to give it a try.  
I got in right away, the producer ended up loving my voice and what I could do with it, so she made me record a line from Nick's new song, Please Be Mine.  
Whereas Kevin... Well his voice wasn't for singing, but he was a great guitarist.  
So that band was made, the Jonas Brothers, given our name was Jonas.  
All of the songs were written by Nick and were mostly about his girl crushes, but there were some songs (which never got leaked to the public) that contained a deeper meaning, like "When We Were Kids", and that song was about two people who will always have each other's backs, but it also had something subtle to it, and it was of a great level of affection between the singer and the receiver.  
And, besides, it was clearly about me, because there wasn't really anyone else who knew him since childhood, right? Even though, to me, we were still kids when that song came out. Kids who wore purity rings and went to church every Sunday, despite being famous.  
Our first album had a lot of success, so much so that a famous networking broadcast for kids, Disney Channel, hired us to be featured on an upcoming film, which would star a child actress, Miss Demi Lovato.  
It was filming that movie that I started questioning my sexuality.  
Even if Kevin and Nick were also starring in that movie, I was the lead, and so I had to have a developing romance with Demi.  
I had to kiss a girl and, even though I was 18, I had never done that. I guessed I was just "waiting for the right one", to put it in Kevin's words, but the truth was, I didn't want to kiss a girl, but in that movie I had to make out with one.  
Demi, on the other hand, was ecstatic; she'd squeal about it with the other female members of the cast, since I was pretty well liked by girls, as I was the new teen heart throb.  
They didn't know that I'd spent the last year going to the gym every day and, therefore, eating nothing but eggs and kale.  
But girls only cared about my looks and my very Italian looking features.  
Demi Lovato was a pretty girl, although she was just 15, if you wanted to be objective, but she just... Didn't do it for me. While I'd wake up in sweats after dreaming about Brad Pitt, for instance.  
Kissing Demi was like kissing the internal part of your elbow, it feels emotionless and also kind of dumb.  
Nope, there was no spark or stuff like that.  
Nothing happened in my pants as we had to dance for the ending scene of the movie - after all it was a movie about singing and dancing - or when we shared our second, more passionate kiss, it was just... Nothing.  
I was totally a raging homosexual.  
It was also while filming that movie that I realized that something strange happened in my hidden area.  
It would usually happen when I had scenes together with Nicholas.  
There weren't many of those in Camp Rock - that was the name of the movie - but the ones we had involved us hugging or him holding my face with his hands saying "go win her over".  
There was something about him that drove me nuts with desire, it was love, I knew. However, he was too young for anything that my body wanted to do, so I just limited it to more affection and physicality than our usual.  
He didn't seem to mind, rather he looked happy every time we did that.  
There was another thing that happened, while filming that movie, however: I had the first kiss that counted.  
Nick had a small fling with two of the 15 year old girls from Disney, Miley and Selena, and that had created a feud between the two ladies, so he'd distance himself from them when that happened.  
One day, right after filming, Kevin drove me and Nicholas to the hotel we were staying at and said that he was going to have an "important date" with "his future wife", so it was just me and Nick in our room.  
The moment we entered our suite, Nicholas fell headfirst on the bed.  
"Woah, man, what's wrong, are you that tired?" I asked, muffling a giggle.  
Nicholas groaned in the pillow before he sat up on the bed, with his hands in his hair.  
"No, it's Selena and Miley. They're so stressful! They're always fighting about me! I never have a moment of peace, you know? It just feels that the only time that I'm completely calm is when I'm alone with you." he said.  
I can't say that didn't make me blush or leave me smiling uncontrollably.  
There was an ache in me, a strange urge I had, and it was to shower him with kisses.  
I sat on the bed next to him and squeezed his shoulder affectionately.  
"Well, then you can either choose one, or you can leave both. Stop being a heart breaker!" I teased.  
"But, the producers say we'll get more attention if I date both, you know? Just like they said you need to be with Demi, for the image." Said Nick.  
"Or, you can just pretend to be with them for the image, but in reality you're not going to date them, not one." I added, giving him half a smile.  
"But won't the girls get angry, if I'm not really kissing them and such?" Nick asked, sighing. While doing so, he put his head on my shoulder. He was exhausted, but he was still so cute I was about to swoon.  
I put my arm around his shoulders so that his body was even closer to mine.  
" Who cares if they do, honestly? I'd say that there are more relevant people in your life right now," I said, subtly referring to myself, "And you said it yourself, it might just give you more attention. Just hang in there and I'll be here for you." As I finished speaking, Nick was smiling broadly.  
"Thank you, Joe. I do think I'd be lost without you." he said while snuggling into me.  
"No worries. This industry is not easy to deal with, but we're lucky enough that we're in this together." After I was done saying this, Nicholas pulled away from our cuddling and looked me straight in the eyes with his brown irises and I stopped breathing.  
" Oh, Joe, you always know what to say... " he said, dead serious now. There was a strange, hidden tension in those words. I swallowed hard.  
"If only you weren't my brother..." he whispered, while running his fingers through my black curls.  
Our faces were so close, all I could see were his lips. I could feel his breath on my face. Oh God, I could feel something was going to happen seconds from then.  
"I would definitely kiss you right now." he added, still in an undertone.  
He leaned in close, one hand still in my hair, the other one holding mine and before I knew it, he stopped caring that we were related by softly kissing my lips.  
I was a bit taken by surprise, but that didn't stop me from kissing him back.  
I felt like I was dreaming. I was finally kissing him, I realized I had been wanting it for a very long time.  
Neither of us seemed to want to bring that kiss to an end, so we kept going at it.  
I'd never thought that Nick would be such a good kisser, nor that he'd be that wild.  
He seemed desperate, he was breathing shakily and he was trembling, it was like he needed his lips to be on mine, or he would have died.  
After a while, we pulled away. We were both panting.  
"Joe..." he breathed. "This is so wrong. We're brothers, people will never accept it... I fear it is illegal, too."  
I nodded, but I didn't really care. We were in a room all by ourselves, no one else would ever know about what happened.  
"... But it was so right, you don't know how long I've been wanting this, you..." he continued, laughing. It was a laughter of pure happiness.  
I laughed too. "I felt the same, but I thought there was no way you could ever like me back." I said.  
"Joe, I don't give a damn about Selena or Miley, all I want is you."  
"So, let's be together, nothing much will change." I said, taking his hands in mine. "I want to be your lover."  
Nick seemed to consider the option, but I could see he was scared. After all, we were just teenagers who didn't know themselves, who didn't know what they liked, and besides we had always been taught that being in love with another man was wrong, let alone him being your brother.  
But did we care? Not at all. We were going to keep it a secret, it didn't matter how wrong society made us feel, because we had each other and we wanted the other in ways we didn't want anyone.  
"Ok." he breathed. "But let's not tell anyone. The general public would probably burn us alive."  
That said, I went in for a second kiss, which he didn't say no to.


	2. Hiding In Fame

**Joe's POV**

How can something as pure and real as what Nick and I had, be considered an abomination? And, in our case, a double abomination, since homosexuality wouldn't have been accepted either, both by our religious parents and the world... it didn't matter how hard I tried to come up with an answer that would tell me why it was horrible and why I was committing a crime, I could never wrap my head around it.  
I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was only loving somebody without forcing him into things he wasn't comfortable with, out of respect, and I wasn't hurting anyone.  
But the blogs... they exploded. It wasn't that we were public about it, but people started coming up with theories. There were hundreds of stories about us and, though we'd never comment about it, some people were sure of our relationship.  
I remember Kevin laughing at the idiocy that some of those written pieces suggested, if only he had known that they were secretly speaking the truth...  
There must have been something that started making fans suspicious and Nick and I thought that it was because we'd hug often on stage, we'd joke around all the time and it wasn't unusual for us to express our love for each other, but we'd always clarify that it was nothing but brotherly love. Not commenting on the stories and weird fan art people were putting online was the best thing to do and we were also lucky that the sanest people in the media made fun of those writers and blamed it all on the sick, obsessive need of sexualization.  
Thankfully, it was just a small amount of our fan base and there was never enough proof to expose us.  


**Nick's POV**

Nicholas Jonas, from the Jonas Brothers, was dating Selena Gomez while also dating Miley Cyrus, just at the tender age of 15. Truth is, I never dated those girls, not for real. I was into someone else at that age. My façade of being straight and having not one, but two girlfriends lasted for about three years, and we all went on-again-off-again with it so the public would think of our lives as an episode of Hannah Montana (Miley's TV show). In reality, something different was going on with me; I was in a relationship with, well, Joe.  
We were together, but only we knew. When our publicists told me that I could stop the ridiculousness of having two girlfriends at the same time, I was barely 18. Joe was dating Demi, who knew that he really wasn't straight at all, but in the end, neither was she, so they had agreed to be each other's beards.  
Demi didn't know who Joe was dating, but she didn't really care, nor did Joe care about who she was the real life love interest of. We'd find out, much further in the future, that the person Demi was with was none other than Miley Cyrus.  
My fake first kiss, the one to make people believe I was straight and dating a co star, was with Miley, so it was weird to me to think that both mine and my brother's girlfriends were actually together, within each other.  
Miley and I kissed when we were barely 15, and it was at an event. We were surrounded by photographers and press, so we were swarmed by very awkward questions, asked by even more awkward adults, about our blossoming romance.  
And then I kissed Selena, that same year, on the set of a music video for the Jonas Brothers, the song was Burning Up, and she was the girl I have to save from the bad guys.  
While the kiss didn't make it into the final cut, a picture of it got leaked and that started some kind of a ruckus, all teenage girls were creating ship wars  between the Nelena and the Niley believers.  
Some of them were saying that my romance with Miley was better than mine with Selena and that we were meant to be  or endgame .  
Honestly, all those theories could only make me laugh.  
When I was 16, my brothers and I were at the peak of our fame, so everything we did was big in the public eye; like, whenever we went to a game or the movies, we'd always have paparazzi with us, that's why we'd use so many disguises.  
Why were we that famous in those years? Well, all thanks to our talent and our looks, although the latter was the most likely. Young girls didn't seem to care too much whether we'd hit that high note or not, it was more that they were interested in having our faces printed on their shirts or plastered all over their walls.  
And the blogs about us? Not one comment about our musical history, no, just Niley/Nelena feuds and polls about the hottest Jonas brother - which Joe would always win.  
It was clear that we were products of the beast that Disney Channel was.  
It was due to our father, who was also our manager, never turning down a proposal.  
Disney wanted to make a movie with us in it? Signed up. Disney wanted to make a TV show about our family and fame? Also signed up.  
That was the reason we were always on set, or under the blinding lights of the spotlight.  
We didn't have privacy, so Joe and I barely had any time to ourselves and to take care of our relationship, hence us being overly affectionate in TV shows, movies and while performing live.  
Looking back, we had been too naive to think that no one would ever get suspicious.  
It was Joe who did most of the cuddling.  
Every time we sang together, there was a sort of magical spell that would take over us, and it was really hard to hold ourselves back, but I guess I had more self control, while Joe didn't know how to stop himself - although he was keeping himself from kissing me in front of everyone, which was a good start.  
During concerts, Joe was a tease. To put it simply, he'd give me fiery looks or he'd touch all over my chest, neck, back, in ways that you're not supposed to do to your brother. I would usually just stand there and carry on with the songs, except rare times in which I'd participate in those things, like grabbing his shirt, leaning on him, or just playing with song lyrics.  
When we were finally alone, for those few spare minutes we had, I'd take my revenge on him by practically making out with him on the spot. Once I went as far as jumping on him and kissing him passionately until it got too hot and we had to stop - it was still too early to have sex, at least according to him, because I was a minor and he was over 18.  
Doing that made me feel so powerful at that age, it was a rebellious way of going through my teenage years, while also living something as heavenly as our relationship and the fact that we had to keep it hidden made me feel like I was taking extreme risks.  
The crowd would go wild every time we did stage play, so much that most people thought we were doing it to get to those teens' hearts - or, pants - but nothing about incest was ever implied, at least not by important people.  
There was a small amount of our fans, however, who strongly believed in us and that worried me sometimes. Some people are known to go crazy when it comes to celebrities, so I was afraid that someone would go too far and stalk us, find out about us and leak the information to the public.  
Luckily, Disney had instructed us well: always keep quiet and avoid uncomfortable questions.  
I can't say that keeping it all a secret made me feel good about it - how come Kevin could smooch his fiancée in front of the cameras and I couldn't do the same with my boyfriend?  
"The world is not ready for this." Joe would say to me, usually while we were cuddling or spending those rare moments alone, "They would send us straight to jail and our career would be over. They would think of us as people who need help because they are sick in the head."  
I would not and sigh sadly. I knew that he was right and I'd also agree that we had to be secretive about it, but I didn't understand why what we were doing would be considered a crime.  
Many couples would kiss or go on dates and no one would arrest them for it.  
If, on one hand, I was feeling like a CIA member in disguise, on the other one, there was a strong sadness running me over.  
Other than being in pain upon seeing Joe pretend to be Demi's boyfriend, I felt so lonely when people my age could hold their loved ones in the streets, or walk with them hand in hand.  
I envied those people so much, even my own brother and parents, because they were accepted, people "awed" when they saw them out in public, while they would have probably spat on us for simply being in love.  
About Demi, I hated that girl to an extent, I knew that she was also faking it, but, unbeknownst to her, she was piercing my heart with a hot knife every time she indulged in PDA with Joe.  
I remember thinking that I wanted to rip off her head whenever it was close to my brother's face.  
Sometimes, I would get desperate and think that Joe liked her for real and was going to leave me soon. One time, after filming an episode of our TV show, JONAS, I ran off crying and went to hide in my dressing room.  
When Joe caught up to me, I screamed at him, telling him that he disgusted me, that it was going to be over if he loved her, because hurting me was too cruel on his part.  
I will never forget how he burst out laughing, almost falling to the floor.  
I was left confused before he told me why my words sounded so funny to him.  
"Before you buy a ticket for this crazy train, let me be clear with you, love; I am faking everything with Demi, it's just a plain lie to feed the media, I am in no way in love with her." he said, tears in his eyes from laughter.  
"How... how can I be sure?" I asked, still not giving up that suspicious look.  
"Well, I certainly don't do this with her." He said while cupping my face and wiping my tears away. "Or this." He added, then he kissed me slowly with such passion, I was finally convinced that he was being honest with me, at least.  
"I guess..." I said after the kiss was over. "But it still hurts me to see you with her."  
"I know, it hurts me to see you with Miley or Selena, but I don't worry because I know that I'm the only one you truly love." he said with a smile.  
With that, I let go of my paranoia and held him close to me. I loved hugging him so much, it was my favorite thing to do with him. Just breathing his cologne, feeling his protective arms around me were all enough to make feel like I was the luckiest man in the world.  
"I love you so much." I whispered.

**Joe's POV**

I knew that hiding in fame was for the best, but part of me wished I could shout my feelings from the rooftops and profess my love for Nick in a very open space.  
The worst part was that I had no one to talk to about it, while Kevin could moan about his issues with his boo, I couldn't do the same with mom or dad.  
I still had Nick, but that wasn't enough - I was living a straight up lie.  
Lying for so long does things to a person, they confuse truths and lies continuously. That's a very dangerous consequence of never being honest.  
Lucky for us, we were both pretty good actors.


	3. Entangled

**Nick's POV**

As soon as I turned 18, I lost my virginity to Joe. He had told me, promised me that he would have taken me to bed right after becoming of age, as I was too young, in the previous years. No matter how I begged him to do some things to me, he'd always resist temptation.  
I wanted to sleep with him, because I thought it was a newfound way of proving that I was an adult. And, besides, the fear of getting caught added a thrill to it all.  
In the first three years what we did was simply kissing or the occasional chest touch, but nothing went on below the waist.  
It got frustrating in the long run, since I was still a teenager, so it was hard for me to contain myself, sometimes.  
When in a make out session with him, there were moments where I didn't know how to stop.  
It was too good, exploring each other's mouths with our tongues, the clashing of our lips, as we caressed each other's hair...  
I wasn't afraid of things to get pretty heavy, but Joe was.  
He would always bring our sexy time to an end, right in time, before we went too far.  
He would push on my chest ligthly when he thought it was enough.  
Usually that was the case if I eagerly moved my lips to his neck and sucked on that sweet spot I loved so much.  
He would gently distance my body from his, telling me there was no need to continue - also, he was against planting hickeys on each other, given concealing them was never an easy task.  
I would always pout when that happened, but he kept saying that it was for the best and that I thought I was ready, but I wasn't.  
His infallible method for dealing with these situations was the famous cold shower.  
When it got too heated, we'd go into separate bathrooms to go solo.  
When we finally lost our virginity to each other and, therefore, said goodbye to our purity rings, it was mystical. We did it for the first time on my birthday.  
It was September 15th, the day before my birthday, and we were both in New Jersey, at Kevin and his wife's house, where we were briefly staying after finishing our tour and TV show and taking a well deserved break.  
We were going to rest a bit, celebrate my birthday, then I would have gone to LA to record my first solo album. The band wasn't broken up, but we all wanted to do side projects for a year or two.  
While staying at Kevin's, Joe and I shared a room, which was something that we had always done, anyway, so no one was really suspecting anything (does one even suspect something non-platonic about two brothers, anyway?).  
We had gone out to party, the four of us - Danielle, Kevin's wife had come too- at a pub, and we were in disguise so paparazzi wouldn't bother us. The night had been pretty cool, we enjoyed Kevin and Danielle's company anyway, to an extent, so there were no complaints about it. I didn't even mind that it wasn't one of those super parties, unlike Joe's 21st, none of that mattered as long as I had the love of my life there with me.  
Upon going back home, at around 3 am, I had been 18 for just three hours, and Joseph and I had barely made it to the guest room, that we were already kissing pretty heavily.  
I couldn't bottle up the rush that was taking over me as my fingers frantically undid Joe's shirt.  
He was just as eager, after all he had waited three years, just like me, and I could see that he couldn't help himself anymore.  
I swear, I'd never felt more happiness than in that moment. I was filled with love and passion, and I was shivering with anticipation.  
I don't know how it is that I didn't lose my mind as Joe moaned softly against my lips.  
"I want you so bad." he whispered in between sloppy, open-mouthed kisses.  
"I want you, too. I've been waiting for so long." I breathed.  
We were both bare chested and I was already trying to take off his pants, when Joe gently swatted my hands away.  
"Wait," he said, "are you sure that you're ready?" he asked.  
I could see the worry in his eyes, he was extremely protective, and that aspect about him always managed to both turn me on and make me feel all warm and fuzzy.  
I nodded. "Of course, I waited three years. I'm finally 18, we can have sex now."  
"I just want you to feel comfortable." he said as he wrapped his arms around my middle, pulling my body closer to his. "I love you so much and I don't want to pressure you into doing anything."  
"You're not pressuring me, I want to do this." I said, right before pecking his lips lightly. "I love you. I'm ready."  
We looked at each other for a few seconds. In the dim lights, Joe's features looked particularly beautiful, especially his deep brown eyes, paired with his long eyelashes. They were too perfect.  
Joe pulled away from that intimate hug and then took my hand. He led me to the bed and carefully laid me on it, so that I was on my back.  
"You know how you always want to be the frontman?" he asked, smiling.  
I nodded, smiling too, knowing what he was going to say.  
"Well... tonight you won't be in charge." he said right before straddling me.  
I giggled softly. "I can take it for once."  
"You're so cute when you giggle." he murmured. He then traced my newly formed abs with his hands, so painfully slow, until he reached for the hem of my pants. I was breathing irregularly and quivering with excitement.  
I caressed his cheek lighlty as he did so. There wasn't really a need for me to say words out loud, not while that was happening.  
I wanted to capture that moment in a painting and admire it in the future, as there was nothing more artistic than us, two lovers about to discover each other in a way they had never done before.  
It was amazing.  
He kissed me again, a kiss full of sweetness and all the good and fluffy things that exist in this world. His kisses then started going down until he reached my neck.  
"You take my breath away." he said in an undertone.  
Feeling his hot breath on my neck made me feel even more turned on. I was really about to make love to him, I just couldn't believe it, it felt almost too good to be true.  
I tried touching his back with my hands, but he moved them away and pinned my arms above my head.  
"I said I'm the frontman tonight. Let me take care of you." he scolded.  
Then, he went further down with his kisses until he got to the spot.  
Keeping eye contact with me, he began to perform oral sex on me.  
Being touched by someone else, especially the love of your life, was beyond anything that I'd ever thought of as wonderful before.  
Masturbation was never going to be relevant to me, after that.  
There wasn't just lust in his eyes, as he worked up his magic on me, there was an astounding amount of love and affection and I was too overwhelmed to keep myself still.  
Musical sounds came out from my mouth, for I was in Heaven. The pleasure was too much, I wondered how could people do this silently, without emitting the slightest noise.  
I was pulling his hair at the same time; I wanted him to keep going and to never stop, not even if the world were ending in that second.  
He had to continue, or I would have died, at least that was what I felt, at 18 years old.  
When he was done, I hadn't come yet. He had planned something special to happen before I could reach the orgasm.  
He laughed a little, after seeing the state I was in.  
"If you think that was worth screaming for, well, you're going to break the roof now."  
He was right.  
What he did next was lift up my legs and place them around his waist.  
"If you feel any sort of pain now, I want you to tell me and I will stop." he informed.  
I nodded, not really being able to wait any further. "Just continue." I instructed.  
There was another kiss - a weird one; I could taste myself after what he had done with his mouth - then, he inserted himself inside me, all while looking into my eyes.  
We kissed through the first part of it, when he still wasn't moving, then, with each of his thrusts, I let out loud moans, not really caring that Kevin or Danielle could hear us.  
What made me fall apart and let go of all my inhibitions was the fact he was grunting so exquisitely and his face made expressions of pure ecstasy.  
I was aware that I was the one evoking that reaction and I felt like the world was at my feet.  
There was not a trace of pain, except for the bit where I had to adjust to that new entrance, and our bodies were completely entangled, tied together by explosions of love.  
Talk about fireworks.  
The wait was definitely worth it, and that was the moment I left a teenager Nicholas behind and embraced the adult one, for sex is not just an animal instinct, but it is a form growing, a way to shed from your childish skin and accept a new, shiny one.  
Skin that can be touched, loved and worshiped, and that was what my lover did to me that night.  
He stripped me from any sad and worrisome thought I had, because I felt so good, so free, so his.  
And it was just the beginning.

**Kevin's Pov**

It wasn't always fun, being the oldest brother. Always the one people relied on and expected the most out of.  
It was like everything I did was a mistake to my parents, in some way, but my younger brothers... they could do anything and no one would ever scold them that much.  
Franklin was the youngest, he was about thirteen years my junior, but I felt like, somehow, I was more of his uncle , than his brother, so he'd never really made me feel like I was in his shadow, but Nicholas and Joseph... never missed a chance of making me feel left out.  
True, when we did the TV show together, I had a big role in it, but I was left out from singing and, just, being involved in their things.  
Sometimes, I wondered if they were doing it on purpose. Maybe they were, because I could be annoying, at times. Always respecting the rules, waiting until marriage to have sex...  
Things that made a person boring, I guess. But I would have spared myself so many nights of feeling like crap, if only I had known why I was truly being excluded.  
Nick and Joe were used to sharing a room together, while I'd either share it with Frankie, or sleep in there by myself.  
I remember going to bed and hearing them laugh and joke until late at night, and then , suddenly, all the noise would stop.  
I found it weird, at times, how I could have sworn I had heard a kissing sound, but maybe I was just being paranoid.  
One night, however, I heard more than just that...  
It was laughing, as always, then kissing sound, a bed squeaking, loud breaths and particular type of scream.  
At first, I brushed it off, thinking it was just them working out, or wrestling, or something of that sort.  
What I knew is I couldn't sleep, even if I had my arms wrapped around my wife, right after making love to her - that would usually be the best way to fall asleep - but I just couldn't, not with that weird noise coming from the guest room.  
A little voice in my head, which was so hard to ignore, kept making me doubt everything I knew about them.  
What if your brothers were doing what you have just done with your wife?

**Joe's POV**

The morning after losing my virginity to Nick, I woke up next to him, our bodies still intertwined from our love making of the night before.  
I was lying on top of him, no clothes on, only covered by a silky sheet, and kept warm by his body.  
I could feel his heartbeat pound against my ear and I wondered if anyone else, in this world, had ever been more content than me.  
I looked up to see that he was still asleep, all peaceful while looking like an angel.  
I could finally admire him in peace, without being afraid of anyone noticing my lingering looks directed at his cute face, which was only mine to look at.  
My love, he was. Of that I was sure in that moment, with all my heart.  
I knew it right then, while watching him sleep, he was looking so vulnerable and weak, and I was there to keep him safe from anything that could harm him.  
I couldn't resist kissing his cheek softly, as he was too adorable for that difficult task.  
He awoke right after that, his eyes half closed and his dimples showing on his face, he was so precious I had to keep myself from squealing.  
"Morning, sunshine of my life." I said, grinning. "Happy Birthday."  
He looked at me all sleepy, while stretching lightly. "Good morning, my love." he whispered right before kissing my lips. "And thank you."  
"I'd say the best morning ever." I said.  
Nick nodded, while pulling my body close to his, by wrapping me in a very messy hug.  
Our heads were touching and, from the outside, we must have looked like one of those super sweet couples.  
We just lay there, not saying words to each other for I don't remember how many minutes.  
I wished we could stay like that forever.  
I was so in love as I looked into his eyes, his perfectly shaped, chestnut brown eyes, and as we rubbed noses.  
It was then that our love was revealed for the first time.  
We were so busy contemplating each other, that we couldn't hear that someone had entered the room and was standing there, seeing everything that they had to see.


	4. Caught

**Kevin's POV**  
It was the morning of Nicholas' birthday and, after a night of fun, I decided to bring him breakfast in bed as a cute, brotherly gift.  
So, the first thing I did as I woke up was put some clothes on and then went downstairs to make him his favorite, bacon pancakes.  
When the meal was ready, I put it on a tray, one of those fancy ones our families got Danielle and I for our wedding, and made my way upstairs, to the guest room.  
For some reason, I contemplated opening the door, because I was afraid I'd find something rather weird going on, but then, I felt stupid. What could my brothers be doing, that I wasn't allowed to see?  
Without a care, I opened the door and what I saw almost made me drop the tray to the floor.  
Nicholas and Joseph, my younger brothers, naked in a bed together, only covered by sheets.  
They were all cuddled up to each other and their faces were so close they looked like they were about to kiss.  
What had happened the previous night was obvious; it was all coming back to me in that moment.  
Everything made sense, the strange noises, their bond, them excluding me... they were together, all along.  
I didn't know whether I should say something, or do something, to get their attention on me.  
All that I could do upon seeing that scene was take a step backwards, in a great level of discomfort.  
What is one supposed to do in a moment like that?  
I must have stood there for about ten minutes, and in that amount of time nothing really happened, until I saw them kissing.  
My automatic reaction was putting a trembling hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming in terror.  
That was when they noticed me, right before I ran away, back to the kitchen, while all I could think of was that I needed to put the bacon pancake back on the table.

**Joe's POV**

How could we be so stupid, so much that we had forgotten to lock the bedroom door from the inside?  
"Shit! Shit shit shit!" I cursed.  
"Oh God... fuck! How could we be so inconsiderate?" said Nick, while getting dressed as fast as lightning. "We have to go after him!"  
"I'm going to agree with you on that!" I stated, while putting my own clothes on.  
When we got to the kitchen, our brother was casually washing the dishes and a silver tray.  
I could see that there was a pancake and a few strips of bacon inside the trashcan.  
Kevin looked strangely calm.  
Nick cleared his throat and Kevin lifted his head from the sink and looked at him, the fakest smile placed on his face.  
"Ah, good morning, brothers of mine! Cause this is what you are, yeah? My brothers!" he said with a hysterical laugh.  
"Well, yeah-" I tried to say, but Kevin interrupted me with a sound only the joker could make.  
"My brothers!" he repeated. "Funny, cause I could have sworn that I've just seen my brothers naked, in bed together, exchanging kisses! I must have gone crazy, right?" he basically yelled, still attacked by a strange laughter.  
Nick and I looked at each other, trying to come up with a way to handle such thing.  
"You see, you're doing it again!" Kevin exclaimed, holding a fork in his hand and moving it back and forth, pointing from Nick to me and vice versa. "You're looking at each other in a way that brothers are not supposed to do!"  
I was genuinely scared, at that point. I was afraid that he would throw that fork at us or worse, grab a knife and stab us.  
I held onto Nick's arm for comfort.  
"Look, Kevin..." Nick began. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but... I can't deny the evidence. I'm with Joe."  
Silence. Then Kevin groaned, put the fork back in the sink and proceeded to lean against the kitchen counter, facing away from us.  
"You're with Joe. You're sleeping with our brother, Nicholas? Don't you realize how wrong that sounds? No, what am I saying, how wrong that is?" he scoffed. "That is incest."  
I swallowed hard, I felt like my own brother was seconds away from turning his back on me.  
"Kevin, we know you find it hard to understand, believe me, we do too... but it's the way it is. We're in love. It sort of just happened." I said in the calmest way I could.  
Our older brother sighed deeply, still not turning around.  
"How long?" he asked after a pause. "How long has this been going on?"  
"T-three years." I said, quietly, almost afraid that saying anything out of place would have angered him enough to create a ruckus.  
"Three years." Kevin snorted. "Three years and I find out now and, since you've been hiding this for so long, I wonder if you would have told me, ever."  
I had never seen my brother so disappointed before, even if I couldn't really see his face (I could see the angles from behind).  
"We, it's just... We were afraid, afraid you'd judge us." said Nick, wrapping his arm around my waist.  
"Of course I'm judging you, you're incestuous. That is something that needs to be cured and it has to be done soon." Kevin basically yelled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out. Don't try to stop me."  
Not one minute later, our brother was out of the house and he had left it without even looking at us.  
He had surely lost all of his respect for us.  
"Wait, Joe, how can you be so calm? We have to stop him, what if he's going to the press to rat on us? Or, what if he's calling the police?" Nick was about to have a nervous breakdown, I could tell, so I had to figure out how to calm him down.  
"Relax, Nick, he's not going to tell anyone, he just went out to clear his mind. Think about it, if he said that, he would also put his own career at stake. He'd be out of his mind. He doesn't want to lose all that we've built together, trust me. He just needs some time to come to terms with what we have. He's just found out and he's in shock." I explained to him in what sounded more like a monologue.  
"But he's not in the right state of mind! Oh God, I can feel it, we've just lost everything!" Nick panicked again. He was breathing at a fast pace as he pulled away from me and fell to the floor, straight up crying while screaming loudly.  
I almost felt a panic attack creeping up to me as well, but I couldn't afford to avoid keeping my cool, so I tried to be as calm as I could.  
"Nick, babe." I cooed, kneeling that we were on the same eye level - although he had his eyes covered with his hands. "Don't worry. Kevin is our brother, he loves us, he would never do anything to harm us, ok? He's shocked, he needs to find a way to cope with it. It's a lot to take in."  
I grabbed his face, forcing him to remove his hands from his eyes, in order to look at me.  
"Nick, I promise you. We'll get through this, let's just wait for him to come back home, so that we can talk about it with a more lucid approach. For now let's just forget about what happened and let's enjoy ourselves, ok?" I said.  
Nick nodded his head while trying to regain a steady breathing pattern.  
"That's my Nicky." I whispered, then I kissed him softly on the forehead. "Now, come on, let's go back to bed. Maybe we can watch a movie or something."  
"Ok." Nick sighed while putting his head on my shoulder. "I hope you're right."  
We then went back upstairs to try and keep ourselves calm, temporarily forgetting that Dani had probably been awakened by all that yelling and had heard everything.

**Danielle's POV**

Ever since I had met my brothers in law, I could tell that there was a strong bond between two of them, Nicholas and Joseph. They had a connection that I was even slightly envious of, given I wasn't that close to my brother.  
I had met them for the first time at a concert, in the peak of the Jonas Brothers' fame, and I'd instantly noticed a strange kind of spark as they shared that stage together; Joe clinging onto Nick as he sang, him always hugging him, publicly displaying his affection for him in front of thousands of people...  
They'd even go as far as leaning into each other, their faces so close one would think they were about to share a kiss.  
I had always brushed it off, though, I didn't want to seem like I was putting my nose in their business.  
My relationship with them was not that present, as we were always somehow competing for Kevin's attention.  
It wasn't unusual for him to fly all the way across the country just to see me for a day, therefore "abandoning" his brothers in the process.  
What I learned, growing with them, was that, to them, the band was their most important thing and they didn't like that I was taking it away from them.  
There were a lot of issues and things left unsaid, but I didn't really mind too much, I had my life to live, even if I would have appreciated a bit of understanding through the years, but when they were still teenagers or just out of their teenage years, we weren't friends.  
Still, that didn't mean I didn't support them with every decision they made.  
For example, when I found out about their relationship and all my doubts were cleared, I wasn't so quick to judge.  
On Nick's birthday, I woke to the sound of my husband's maniacal laugh. I was startled awake and I wondered whether I should go see what all that was about, but what I heard stopped me.  
I decided to stay in bed upon hearing Kevin say "My brothers are kissing each other!"  
I can't say that I wasn't slightly taken aback, but I wasn't disgusted or anything.  
I thought that maybe that was just a phase, but I didn't really mind, maybe because I was more open minded than my husband and I had been put down too many times over things about myself, like being bisexual, that I felt that being verbally abusive wasn't going to solve things.  
My husband didn't have a positive reaction upon finding out that his brothers were in a relationship.  
He just left the house, not telling any of us about where he was going.  
I didn't want to worry too much, as I knew where he must have gone; whenever we'd get into fights, he'd always drive to the local church, pray a little bit, and then go back home.  
After about half an hour, I thought it would be ok to go and talk to Nicholas and Joseph, so that I could reassure them that I was fine with them being together, although I didn't fully understand it.  
I quietly made my way to the guest bedroom. I didn't know whether I should knock – I didn't want to risk interrupting something- but I noticed that the door was ajar, so I figured they were decent.  
I pushed the door open, and what I saw made me smile out of adorableness.  
Joseph and Nicholas were all snuggled up on the bed, Nicholas lying into Joseph's arms, his head rested on the other boy's chest.  
Joseph's arms were wrapped tightly around his younger brother in a very protective manner.  
If anyone had ever tried lying a finger on Nicholas, Joseph surely would have murdered them, by the looks of it.  
Only blind people wouldn't have perceived the love shared by those two and I felt extremely empathetic. I wondered how it could be possible to hate something so soft and sweet and it almost made me cry, thinking that some people wouldn't have accepted it or could have done something to harm such kind souls.  
The boys were absentmindedly watching Netflix on the computer, they looked calm and content, so I saw it as my cue to speak to them without creating useless panic.  
"Um, hey boys?" I murmured, almost feeling guilty that I had to ruin a moment so precious.  
Hearing my voice startled them both and I felt awful that they pulled away from each other at high speed, thus making themselves appear as platonic as they could. Nicholas quickly stopped the video player.  
"Oh, morning, Dani..." Joseph gave me half a smile, while I could see that Nicholas was trying to look away in embarrassment. "Is everything ok?" he asked.  
"Actually I came here to check if you were fine..." I leaned against the wall awkwardly. I wasn't sure about how I would have made a reference to what had happened only minutes before without sounding indiscreet.  
Joseph and Nicholas looked at each other.  
"Um, yeah, why?" Nicholas asked with a quizzical look.  
"Well, because I think Kev acted in a disrespectful way towards you, by running off somewhere after a fight." I said, avoiding eye contact.  
"Oh don't worry, it's just simple family drama, think nothing of it." Joseph said in a nonchalant tone. "Thanks for checking, though."  
Did they forget that I was their brother's wife, so that meant I would have learned about it, eventually?  
It was clear their attention wasn't focused on me, as both my brothers in law went back to looking at the screen.  
"I don't really think it's that simple..." I took a breath. Why did it have to be so hard, talking about their relationship? Honestly, I was afraid that they'd call me a psychopath or get defensive, when I wasn't even against what they had.  
"He does this sometimes, Dani, you know better than us, I'm sure he'll get back home in no time." said Joseph in a fake reassuring tone.  
I could see that they couldn't wait for me to leave the room, but I couldn't do it without telling them the real reason why I was there in the first place.  
"Look, this is not gonna be an easy talk, but, it's just... I heard what you were fighting about. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, but Kev would have told me all about it later, I guess, since there are no secrets between us, as we're married." I took another breath, a shaky one this time, as I could feel the nervousness hit me.  
I wasn't looking at them, but I could hear Nicholas whisper to Joseph, "She knows."  
Good, they had already done half my job.  
"What I'm trying to say is, I'm not siding with my husband on this. I think that something as precious as what you have can't be thrown away and, while I'm not going to lie, I don't really understand this too much, I won't be judgmental, so I want you to feel like you can be yourself around me, no need to hide." I gave a nervous laugh.  
They didn't say anything for a few seconds. I glanced at the two brothers, finally. They looked shocked, but not in a negative way. Both of them laughed in relief.  
A reaction I didn't expect. No one got defensive or tried to deny any accusation.  
"We- We could tell you heard the conversation." said Joseph. "And, um, we feel relieved that you're ok with this, it means a lot."  
"We thought you'd have the same reaction as Kevin." said Nicholas, looking at Joseph, apparently looking for comfort. I could see that he was trembling.  
"Oh no, I'm much more open minded. I mean, to be honest I was suspicious about you two. It's obvious, what you have and if it were for me, I would make it legal, so you wouldn't have to hide, let alone keep it from your brother, whom you love so much." I said, trying my best to appear the friendliest I could be. I knew how delicate the situation was and I didn't want to say something insensitive, scaring them off in the process.  
"Wow, Dani, we're both pretty stunned, it's weird, but we feel like it makes no sense to keep hiding it from you." said Joseph, holding Nicholas' hand in his.  
That action made me grin. Kevin never would have done that with me.  
"I guess we're not that believable, when trying to pass as straight guys." Nicholas chortled. "But, yeah, thank you."  
I nodded, feeling proud of them, as they had found the courage to be themselves around me.  
That day was very important for our relationship as in laws, as it brought them closer to me. It was something I had been waiting for years.  
I walked up to the bed and went to hug my brothers in law.  
They were both still shaking, but I decided to ignore it.  
I could only imagine what they were feeling in that moment and I didn't want to force them to express it.  
"And, about Kevin, I'll try to get him in the right mind. Just give him some time and space, I'm sure he'll come around." I said, my arms still wrapped around them.  
Joseph was the one who squeezed me the most. He needed the most support, I could tell, since Nicholas basically relied on him for everything.  
"I hope so." he said while rubbing my back. "We'd really need our brother, now. It's not really easy, what we're going through."  
"I promise you, it will be alright. In the meantime, you can count on me, ok? And, almost forgot, happy birthday, Nicholas!"


	5. Nick's Changes

**Joe’s POV**

One name that never failed to irritate me so much that I could taste the bile in my mouth was Nick Jonas And The Administration.  
Just the mere idea of Nick sharing the stage with someone else made my blood boil with jealousy.  
I knew that he wanted to do it as a ‘side project’, but I was afraid that a taste of solo career and the knowledge of new people could harm our relationship in some way.  
I was terrified of losing him, honestly, so every time he brought up that ridiculous new band name, I opted to ignore it and change the subject.  
Did he want me to be in constant pain, or what?  
It was unfair, how he went on and on about this stupid new musical career with such glimmer in his eyes, without, for a moment, thinking that I was going through an unbearable suffering?  
Watching him be all smiles when he talked about it was like a punch to the stomach.  
All I wanted to do was scream at him, tell him that I was supposed to be the reason behind his happy face, but that shouldn’t have been the case.  
I knew that he needed to find himself, it didn’t matter how much he loved me, he was 18 and he needed to explore and do things he’d never done before.  
It was hard, though, because we were tied by the hip, we depended on each other.  
Probably, in the years that the Jonas Brothers were big, the longest we’d spent apart from each other was half a day.  
I needed to be at his side, all the time, or I was filled with anxiety.  
Try making it big at a very young age, anyone would feel the need of someone to go through such overwhelming experiences with.  
What I didn’t know, at the time, was that our approach to togetherness was, to say the least, toxic.  
Still, I was pretty much against Nick going solo, but I never expressed my concerns aloud.  
Right after staying at Kevin’s, I accompanied Nick to LA, so that he could record his new album with that band I don’t want to name.  
It had been quite a strange stay, the one at our brother’s house.  
He had caught us in our morning after bliss and had not taken it well, in fact he had left the house and come back in the evening, not really saying a word about where he’d gone.  
After having an intense conversation with Dani, he came to the conclusion that he was willing to accept it, out of respect for us, but he was still convinced that our romance was a phase, which we would have grown out of eventually and the distance that would come from the hiatus would participate in that. In fact, he would encourage us to try girls.  
It was a good start, thinking about it, given it took him years to fully come to terms with his brothers dating each other.  
When we left his house, he greeted us with a mere handshake, but I suppose it was better than nothing.  
I tried to enjoy the plane ride as much as I could – after all, I was in the company of my one true love – but the fact that he was trembling with excitement at the thought of a Nick-Jonas-only album was enough to make me feel really sad.  
I didn’t let my emotions be shown, though, since I didn’t want to kill Nick’s mood.  
We held hands through the whole trip (we hid our hands under my jacket, even though we were on a private jet), my little one’s hands were sweaty, but I didn’t care, that might have been the last time I could hold them in a long while.  
Arrived in Los Angeles, we took a cab to our hotel, a very nice one, where we, of course, shared a room.  
I had seen LA many times, so I wasn’t really in awe at the sight of that city (most people were), not anymore, but Nick was ecstatic.  
He was laughing so hard he was breathless and his lips were cramping, I knew.  
“Joe, I’m so happy to be here with you!” he said the moment we set foot in our hotel room.  
That made me grin, at least part of his good vibes there was caused by my presence, but I was still quite insecure, at the time. I couldn’t believe that he loved me enough for him to drop everything; there was a little voice inside my head telling me, “He’s going to leave you behind, soon.” and it was an extremely hard task to ignore it.  
We put all our bags in the corner and we both collapsed on the bed, spent from jet-lag and the whole journey (around 8 hours in total), not really feeling like hitting the City Of Angels’ nightclubs.  
We just lay there for minutes, not really talking or doing anything whatsoever, except for enjoying each other’s presence.  
I will never forget how cute Nick looked in that outfit; that purple and white square shirt, blue jeans and his favorite pair of converse, which, all together, gave him the appearance of a bashful school boy.  
His curls fell perfectly on his face, especially the one on his forehead, it was a single circle of hair, which was enough to turn his features into a massive ball of adorableness.  
Something worth squealing for. I still couldn’t believe that he was all mine. No matter how many we’d been together, he still managed to make me feel so full of love, I was sure that I would burst like a balloon.  
Even so, I had already noticed that his body was changing.  
He was in transition, he was leaving a teenager Nick behind and embracing the young adult version of himself.  
My brother was becoming a man, I could feel it and that also gave me anxiety.  
All the girls would have sold themselves to get a piece of him, like they had with me for the last 5 years, and I would have become a competitor.

 **Nick’s POV**  
During the hiatus from the Brothers, I went to live alone in New York. After all, I had been cast in at least three musicals, so I figured it would make sense to get my own place there.  
I had already had a few gigs with my band, the Administration, after finishing up our album in LA, but I decided it was time to focus on my theatrical talents.  
While it hurt to spend so much time away from Joe – at the same time that I was in NYC, he was in studios recording his own solo album – I thought that a bit of distance from his and the Jonas Brothers wouldn’t cause too much harm, after all, I needed some sort of independence.  
I used Broadway shows and after-parties as a way to keep my mind busy, so that I wouldn’t miss home too much.  
I would see my boyfriend every two months, he’d come stay with me, in my house, for the weekend, then he would leave on Sundays, in the early morning.  
It wasn’t much, but we had to adjust.  
In order to keep sane and not drown in my loneliness, I asked our parents to take my Golden Retriever, Elvis, to me.  
I really didn’t have the time to miss people, with everything that I had to do.  
Plus, living alone turned out to be hard.  
I had to do my own laundry, cook my own meals, be careful with bills… I have to say that, in the beginning, that whole adulthood thing was becoming very difficult, but it was a challenge I wasn’t willing to lose.  
In addition to everything, it wasn’t unusual for me to work out with my new personal trainer.  
Because of that, in just a year I grew a lot of muscular mass.  
I was no longer that sweet boy who would stumble in his shoe laces, no, I was a man and I was feeling sexy.  
Working out became a passion of mine, on the long run.  
I finally knew why Joe loved it so much.  
While living in New York, I noticed that, wherever I went, girls and boys drooled over me.  
I wasn’t used to all of that attention, the sexual one, and I was starting to enjoy being at the center of it.  
I even read things that could make anyone go squeamish, like girls saying they were touching themselves thinking about me…  
Secretly, it flattered me, as well.  
Sometimes, during parties, ladies and gentlemen would dance with me and try to touch me in certain places.  
It was hard to stay true, as I can’t lie and say that I didn’t want to explore, but I had Joe and cheating on him would have made me a horrible person.  
One thing that I regretted about falling in love with someone I’d known since birth was that I never got the chance to go about my life and search for the right one, the embarrassment of first dates, the excitement of getting to know that person from scratch...  
I felt like I had been missing out on a lot of stuff that my peers were experiencing and, besides, I couldn’t really go up to my friends and tell them “Hey, I am dating my brother, can I talk about my struggles with it?”  
I really envied Kevin, in those moments.  
After a year had gone by of me living in New York, I met a woman I truly admired; Delta Goodrem.  
Delta was 8 years my senior and she was basically multi talented.  
When she approached me at an after party, she told me that she had a plan to help me come out of my Disney stereotype, simply by pretending to be my girlfriend.  
That was how it worked in the spotlight, no relationship was 100% real.  
I still accepted to pursue a fake romance with her, apparently it was also convenient for her as she was still mad at her ex for leaving her out of nowhere, thus having the world see her with me would have been a way to kill him with jealousy.  
Plus, everyone would be envious of her for being the lover of a Jonas Brother.  
Our pretend story didn’t come for free; she’d pay me to make that all up.  
I really didn’t have any problems with it, to be honest – if the public saw me me with a woman like that, then they would not get suspicious as to why someone as famous as me didn’t have a girlfriend after the long, on-again-off-again three-way with Miley and Selena.  
Furthermore, fans had begun to notice I had removed my purity ring, assuming I had done it after giving my V card to the cougar that Delta was.  
Joe was not entirely happy with it, even though he was paired up with yet another famous actress, the Twilight star Ashley Greene. He’d also succeeded in fooling everyone on the reason his finger didn’t have a certain ring on it anymore.  
Joe was living in Los Angeles, at the time, and long distance was starting to take a toll on us.  
There were nights I would spend awake, afraid that he was actually sleeping with her.  
After all, he was in the same boat as me, he’d never had the full dating experience with people he’d never met before.  
Even so, we both still had some time off and we decided we'd use it to see each other.  
In the summer of 2011, right after finishing with Les Miserables on Broadway, we went to Hawaii, just the two of us.  
That vacation turned out to be the beginning of the end, as dramatic people like to say.  
Being together 24/7, just him and I, wasn’t as romantic as we’d thought it would be.  
The first few days were OK, but then jealousy started taking over us.  
It wasn’t unusual for me to make comments about him and Ashley, lashing out on him because of my own insecurities.  
“Well, what am I supposed to say, uh? I keep seeing pictures of you smooching Delta from tabloids, don’t you think that bothers me?” Joe spat, one night at the beach, after I had gone pretty far with my rants regarding his fake boo. “And this is not the same as when you were with Miley/Selena, because now you’re older and you have to make everyone believe you’re fucking her.”  
I scoffed. How could he come at me when he’d gush about losing his virginity to Ashley during interviews? I hated that, knowing that I had been the one to take it away from him.  
“How can you be saying this?” I said in an infuriated tone, “You’re the one playing the innocent boy who had sex for the first time with a super famous actress, last time I checked.”  
Joe laughed bitterly. “You don’t even know what you’re saying. You’re a baby, for goodness sake, Nick. Adults don’t act like that.”  
I didn’t know what to say, for he’d left me speechless.  
I remember sitting on the sand, doing all I could to avoid eye contact with him, feeling completely outraged. I spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence.  
“A baby. A baby who has a good selling album, tons of late night Broadway and non-Broadway shows on his back. This is your opinion of me?” I said, my voice rising. I could feel the heat of menacing tears creep up into my eyes, and it was rare for me to cry.  
“You could have all the best selling CDs you want, but if you accuse your boyfriend of cheating and make a scene during what is supposed to be a holiday filled with bliss, then yeah, you’re a whiny little brat.” Joe said, in a rage.  
Fuck. He had done the impossible, for I was crying freely. Silent tears wet my face, while a strange feeling invaded my guts.  
“You’re a dick.” I snapped, trying to keep myself from sobbing, then I straight up walked away.  
I didn’t know where I was going, all I knew was that I wanted to be as far away from that stupid beach as I could.  
It was dark and I couldn’t see much, but I didn’t care.  
My phone started blowing up, it was Joe, but I didn’t want him to know where I was going.  
Reflecting on my actions from that night, I could see how dangerous the situation I had put myself in was.  
Despite telling me all of those awful things, Joe still felt an extreme protection towards me, so he still managed to find me in that vast amount of sand.  
“Nick!” I heard him scream my name from a distance. I could also hear him running after me, but I was running faster.  
“Leave me alone!” I yelled back, not turning around.  
“Never! I promised you I wouldn’t.” he argued. “Stop running, you’ll get into trouble! What if you get lost here? You could never be found alive!”  
I hated that, even though I was furious with him, his caring nature still managed to make me go weak in the knees.  
“Who cares? The world would be better without a whiny baby!” I choked up in a sob.  
That was it, I couldn’t get any further away from him. My vision was blurry with tears and I was tired, both physically and emotionally.  
Before I knew it, Joe’s strong arms were wrapped around my newly sculpted body.  
No matter how angry I was with him, I couldn’t bring myself to push him away; in fact, his body close to mine was all I needed.  
I hugged him back, tightly, and let myself weep all over him.  
“I’m sorry,” I struggled to say in the midst of a crying episode.  
“Shh, don’t… I am the one who’s sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have said those things.” he murmured, “I know what the real issue here is. It’s hard for us to act like we were straight and not in love with each other. It’s just like three years ago, when you ran off after filming JONAS. You can’t stand seeing me with someone else, but I can’t stand it either. It’s up to us to make a point of this situation, Nick. Are we strong enough to stay together?”  
The most sincere answer was that I had no idea, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself.  
“I w-want us to be.” I said. “I don’t want to lose you. I promise I will never act like I did tonight, ever again.”  
Joe pulled away from me and proceeded to sit on the sand, inviting me to do the same.  
“Nick, I love you. You know this. Long distance isn’t easy, especially if the one you’re with is famous and posing as a heterosexual man in a relationship – I’m talking about the two of us. Now, if we really want this… us, to work, we need to compromise.” he said in a tone that made me feel safe. He took my face in his hands and stroked my cheeks softly, similar to what he had done after my JONAS outburst.  
I nodded my head, yes, I was going to do everything I could to save us, even if it was not going to be super easy.  
"We have to be honest with each other, even if it feels like it's too honest, we can't ever lie. And, other than that, we have to make an oath to us. No matter how shitty things get, we will never bring an end to the relationship, because it’s worth fighting for.” Joe said, sure of himself, looking into my eyes.  
Although there were a lot of things I wanted to say, I couldn’t bring myself to do so and, honestly, none of that mattered anymore.  
It was going to be alright, that’s what I thought, and we were going to make it.  
I was so wrong, so naive and stupid to think that things would have been all rainbows and cupcakes from then on. Still, I wasn’t going to let a second of my time with him go to waste.  
We sealed our oath with a kiss, so slow and tender, one of those kisses that reminded me of our initial months as a couple, the famous honey moon phase, back when the biggest problem was which song to sing on tour.  
Our kiss became a string of many kisses, with us saying “I love you” in between them.  
Joe ran his fingers through my now short curls, mine grazing the back of his neck and the world suddenly faded.  
I could get addicted to fights with him, if that was how they would turn out to be.


	6. Not So Great At Comebacks

**Kevin’s POV**  
It’s not every day you find out that your brothers are in a relationship with each other, yet I had the misfortune of it being my case.  
I had proof of that in 2010, when I caught them red handed after their dirty deeds, but I’d been suspecting it for years.  
I mean, they wanted to normalize pecking each other on the lips, which I felt was rather odd for two brothers to do, you know?  
But then again my brothers weren’t doing it out of simple, platonic, brotherly sportsmanship.  
It was really hard to accept that two people who were supposed to be as far away from each other as they could when it came to sexual feelings were probably getting it on at any given moment.  
My wife didn’t seem to mind too much, all that mattered to her was that they were happy. Easy for her to say, they weren’t her brothers whom she was in a band with.  
After a while, I think it was around two years, I started coming to terms with it.  
As weird and unimaginable as it sounded to me, they were in love and were allowed to feel happiness and I was their older brother, after all, so the least I could do was support them.  
There were so many people out there who would have condemned their romance and I didn't want to be a part of that circle.  
In 2013, after a four year long hiatus, we thought it was time for us to bring back the Jonas Brothers, even though we all had separate lives, all scattered through America and we were definitely older and not interested in kiddie songs.  
Also, I was currently working on a reality TV show, Married To Jonas, which broadcasted my life as a married man.  
Nick and Joe were against it because they were obsessed with their space and privacy and they didn’t appreciate me inviting cameras into each one of our meetings.  
Other than that, they were terrified of me revealing their secrets to the whole world – as if I was dumb enough to do that and risk throwing all our careers away.  
Just like they had done for the previous years, they were concealing their incestuous love by building cover up relationships with famous women, so I felt that they were safe, although I can’t hide that it made me feel pretty anxious that they’d let something slip.  
They would literally make a contract for said women to sign, so that both parties would have publicity.  
Those ladies didn’t care why they were so shady, but I supposed it would have been almost impossible for none of them to suspect that something was going on behind the scenes.  
Nick was now the boyfriend of Olivia Culpo, while Joe had a new flame, some fashion designer who would design all of his – hideous – shirts.  
Getting back together as a band turned out to be a bad idea, mostly because we didn’t want the same things, creatively.   
**Joe’s POV**  
There wasn’t really a major event that caused me and my brothers to get the band back in action, other than us thinking it was something that had to be done, because that was all we knew.  
What we didn’t know, though, was that we had just created a bomb that would explode soon.  
We were lying to ourselves, but we also wanted to please the fans who constantly begged us to release new content as a group.  
My R&B solo album had been a flop so catastrophic, it made me feel like I wasn’t worth it without my brothers, like I was nothing but a has-been.  
I wasn’t a quirky teenager with emo hair anymore, I had gone bad like a rotten fruit.  
The positive thing was that I could see Nick every day. Finally, after two years and a half of being apart and meeting up only on special occasions, we were living together again.  
I was a fool to think that nothing would have changed and that we would go back to living like we had done in our early days as a couple.  
It was a constant fight, but we had to act like we were brothers to the public, happy to be singing together again.  
Nick didn’t want to sing those ‘childish songs’ as he called them, not anymore, and he wanted to sing about toxic relationships and darker themes, while I wanted to sing about getting high on life.  
Our intimacy became very limited, we would only have relations once a month, if we were lucky, despite sharing a home. Not that doing it fixed many things – it was more of a way to cope with the stress, but sometimes those moments were what made us feel stressed in the first place.  
Nick’s kisses were cold, detached and, in bed, he was bored.  
Sometimes, he didn’t even get hard and I had to finish off by myself.  
It got so frustrating that it made me miss when we’d spend months away from each other.  
Furthermore, we had not been faithful to our promise to always tell each other the truth.   
Nick would even go as far as not telling me when he had to go out and be seen in public with Olivia, all of which got me thinking that he was actually sleeping with her.  
I hated myself for not telling him that it bothered me and throwing everything under the rug.  
Not that I didn’t love him, but I couldn’t find a way out of our crisis.  
Another thing that I noticed him doing was, if I tried being affectionate when we were out and about – chaste things like hugs – he would push me away, eyeing our surroundings, telling me to be careful because people could become suspicious.  
One time, he snapped at me with such rude manners, I didn’t speak to him for an entire day.  
We were at a restaurant having lunch, a much needed break from all that rehearsing for our next world tour, and I casually put my hand on his, something I had always done and made it look like our cute, brother-to-brother secret handshake.  
Nick abruptly removed his hand from under mine, almost making me hit the table in the process.  
“Are you out of your mind?” He spat in a loud whisper, after going stiff. “We’re in public, Joseph. “  
As if I didn’t know we were probably surrounded by hundreds of fans and paparazzi.  
“Relax, It’s not like I gave you a blowjob in front of everyone.” I said, in my defense.  
Nick’s eyes widened at the mention of the word blowjob and looked at me like I had just killed someone.  
“You really want us to get caught, don't you? Do you even hear yourself when you speak? A blow- you think if a paparazzo hears you talking about doing that to me, he'll just think that you've told an inside joke? I wonder if you even think before you speak, because you say dumb things." He let out quite angrily.   
He was shaking his leg under the table and constantly checking the time on his phone. He looked around, terrified that someone could have overheard our conversation or seen our hand gesture.   
My mouth dropped open. I was really offended that Nick, who was supposed to be my loving boyfriend, could talk to me like that.   
It wasn't like him to use that tone with me, not even during important arguments.   
It was clear that something had changed in him and that he didn't know how to handle it, but, at the time, I took it personally.   
"You know, Nicholas, you can finish this lunch all by yourself, for all I care."  
That said, I made my dramatic exit.   
No one ran after me while professing his undying love for me, there were no tearful hugs or shit like that.  
That's when I knew that it was all fading.  
 **Nick's POV**  
I was frustrated, panicked. Our record wasn't selling and, although we were about to go on tour, we weren't feeling the good old excitement that we had felt at the beginning of our career.

I had high hopes for the band when we were about to end our four year hiatus. True, in those years we tried going solo on the side, but we would meet up and discuss the future of the band, once in a while. When we went into the recording studios to create our fifth studio album, I couldn't feel anything. 

My brothers and I would fight every day and it was really stressful. I couldn't even spend five minutes in the same room as them without wanting to rip off their heads, it was unlivable.

We were just so tired all the time, and we didn't even speak to each other that much, as family members. We also never agreed on the songs, we had too many creative differences. I wanted to keep making the music I had made with the side band two years before and do other stuff like do a Broadway show or something of that sort.

I didn't want to sing ridiculous songs about a dog or suspenders - that was more Joe' cup of tea - and nor did I want to share the vocals with my brother.

When it came to writing a piece, it was always Kevin who wanted to arrange it, because he was a great guitar player. Also, he was always thinking about his wife, and he just wasn't focused at all on our stuff.

After flopping as a solo artist, Joe couldn't wait to go back to the scene with us, but he was the only one who truly wanted the band to stay together.

He really missed the old days, when we were just teenagers who were stunned at the sudden fame we had.

I was only thirteen, at the time. Now, I was twenty-one, and I surely wasn't the most mature guy in the world, but I wanted something more edgy, fresher, not the same music box tune. What I was nostalgic about was the feeling I had at that young age on the stage, but I knew I couldn't feel like that anymore if I let myself sing about stuff I didn't like.

And, besides, I was also unhappy with my personal relationship with Joe, specifically. He always wanted to do things with me that I felt uncomfortable with, like holding hands in public or show all his love for me. We were brothers, for crying out loud, and we had to make the world, including our parents, believe that we were just that. I was also starting to feel disgusted by myself and Joe, because everything seemed so wrong. I thought I had a serious mental illness, so did Joe, in my mind we were extremely sick and we needed to cure whatever had taken over us. When I had kissed him the first time, I didn't have those thoughts, maybe because I was barely 15, and I was naively happy, I didn't give a crap that I was kissing my brother or, at a following point in time, having sex with him. 

I was so naive to think that it would have been OK and that the world would have been fine with it, in the future, but I was wrong.  
Joe must have noticed my detachment, as I would often refuse to be intimate with him. I was also pretty upset that he had another one of his fake girlfriends and would sometimes even kiss her in front of me (and cameras), despite knowing that I hated when he did that, especially if he added tongue to it. 

I hated her just as much as I hated her name (Blanda). She was a fashion designer and Joe thought that he'd build an even better image by pretending to date her.

As much I loved him, it was impossible for him to get that his actions hurt me.

Then there he was, touching me, trying to sleep with me, after he had spent the whole night out with that hideous clothes making whore.   
It got too much on my nerves.

One night, we were in Los Angeles, it was late and we were still rehearsing for the show that would have taken place the next day and I was not breathing regularly. It was impossible for me to keep a steady rhythm as Kevin and Joe got into yet another fight over something I can't even remember, that's how silly that was, so I decided to take a break.

I went outside of the building and called my dad, he picked up right away.

"Hey, Nick, buddy, everything ok?" dad asked, I could hear that he was chewing. I felt terrible to have interrupted him, but I needed him in that moment.

"Dad, I can't do this, I need you to come here and pick me up, I'm at the rehearsal spot." I said, pacing. My free hand was already in my pocket, fishing for a cigarette.

"What do you mean, did something happen?" I could hear that he was concerned.

"It's just, I need you right now, I'll tell you as soon as I see you, I promise." I manage to let out with a shaky sigh.

There was a pause, then he spoke again.

"I'll be on my way, but I'll be there in about an hour, can you handle it?" he asked.

"Yeah." I simply said, then I hung up.

As the hour went by, none of my brothers came out to check on me, maybe they were so busy with bringing each other down that they didn't care that my break was taking too long.


	7. The Split

**Joe’s POV**  
Cold, devoid of color. This is what it feels like to be betrayed by the person you love the most.  
Upon hearing those words that caused me to hurt for years, it felt like our planet had stopped spinning, and like someone had stabbed me right in the back, when I wasn't looking.  
I could finally understand why, in ancient times, people wanted to kill those awful betrayers.

**Nick’s POV**

My dad arrived just in time, right when my breakdown was starting.  
When I saw his car approaching me, I had smoked around four cigarettes.  
“What’s wrong, son?” dad asked, concerned, after he’d rolled down the window.  
I was terrified that what I was about to tell him could resort to him being extremely disappointed in me.  
“This is so hard, dad!” I groaned out of frustration. “I can’t take this stress anymore.”  
My father sighed sympathetically, he definitely knew what was on my mind.  
He made a hand gesture which meant I had to hop in the car, so I did.  
He started the engine and I started letting out everything - except the fact that I wanted to break up with Joe.  
“I’ve just had a panic attack. It’s like the three of us can’t reach a solution to all of our creative differences. I’m at a loss, honestly, because the guys won’t collaborate! I feel like I’m fighting against something that’s not working. I’ve given everything I have to this music, but I’m going here,” I pointed to the left, “Joe’s going here,” I pointed to the right, “Kevin’s over there… I just can’t do it.” I finished my rant with a scream of pure frustration.  
There was nothing good going on with me in those past few months and I was filled with anxiety because of it… it felt like people didn’t care about the Jonas Brothers anymore, now that we weren’t teen idols no more. The worst part of it was that we didn’t know how to fix that situation and we felt like we had become pure nothingness. We were just three black dwarfs floating aimlessly in the open space, no longer being at the center of the universe, for our flames had burned out.  
I could see that dad was scared of my reaction; I was usually the calm one, but right then I was screaming, picking at my hair and punching the car armrest, all of this while convulsing.  
I admire that man so much for keeping his cool throughout the whole duration of my nervous breakdown.  
After a while, my body gave out to tiredness and it forced me to sit still, all while trying to regain a normal breathing pattern.  
“Nicholas,” my father said, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, “It’s clear you can’t keep going on like this. We need to get you some help and the first thing we should do is bring the Jonas Brothers to an end, if it can improve your mental state. I might be your manager, but I am your father before that, so I won’t stop you from leaving if this is what you need.”  
I was honestly surprised that he could be so understanding, after all he was the one booking all our shows and taking care of everything else that came with being our manager, but he had probably let his family feelings for me win.

In the car, I decided that the best way to handle it was to be as honest as I could.

So, after two hours of driving around, we went back to the venue, where Joe and Kevin were still rehearsing, and I called a meeting, for just the three of us.

As my father and I walked down the corridors of the building, I said to him, “They probably are even anticipating this.”  
I wish I could have predicted what would have happened minutes from then.

**Joe’s POV**  
Nick had called an emergency meeting, after disappearing for hours. I was mad at him for leaving me with Kevin and I wanted to hear an explanation regarding his abandonment.  
Whatever it was, I was hoping it would be over soon.  
We had to go have this talk in a small room, away from our chaperone band; in that moment I should have seen it coming, foreseen that what was going on was rather serious.  
Nick had us sit on stools before he spoke, not one minute after entering the room.

“As you both know, things haven’t been great with us lately and I think the Jonas Brothers should cease existing.” he just blurted out.  
Silence.

**Nick’s POV**  
No one was saying anything and I felt yet another panic attack threatening to hit me.  
In all of my wise years of life I learned that there is nothing worse than when you say something risky and you get no response.  
It feels like time has frozen and then agony comes along, making sure that you never see the light of day again, unless you get that answer.

Joe looked petrified, while Kevin gave me a puzzled look.  
“Wait, what?” he asked, his mind surely filled with confusion.  
I was the confused one, I was 100% certain that they wanted the same thing and, to think that they weren’t expecting that, made me realize that I was naive.  
“I… I want to… carry on with doing my own stuff, without you guys.” I said, nervous.  
My palms were sweating and I could feel my mouth drying up. My head was pounding so loudly that I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts.  
Kevin said nothing, while Joe said something that made my blood stop flowing.  
“You slept with Olivia.”  
 **Joe’s POV**  
I had never felt like that before, it was a feeling of numbness, added to me not being able to believe that what my ears had just heard was the reality of things. It felt like I was living a nightmare.  
I knew that things hadn’t been perfect regarding both the Brothers and my relationship with Nick, but I never could have thought that he wanted to put an end to those things.  
He hadn’t said anything about breaking up with me yet, but I was intelligent enough to know that he would have gotten there pretty soon.  
The first thing that came to mind, which was what I ended up saying, was that Nick had actually had sex with Olivia.  
“What? Why would you think that, Joe? I just said that I’m worried that the band will no longer work out, not that I cheated on you? “ Nick said, out of shock.  
He was trying to make it all about us failing as musicians, but I knew what the real reason was. He wanted to drop me from his life, throw me away like a used condom.  
I should have known the moment he’d shaved his curls off.  
“Cut the crap. I know you’re making it about feeling like the band is not doing good, this is all you wanting to leave me because you want to explore what it feels like to bone a woman but, instead of telling me, you cheat on me?” I yelled out, not seeing straight from all the anger that was sizzling inside me.  
Nick scoffed. “This is insane, you should know that I am the most honest person you’ve met, yet you accuse me of infidelity?”  
There he was, playing dumb.  
“Stop acting like an innocent, rosebud boy and tell me the truth! You didn’t think I’d noticed, uh? You hating me if I touched you… you’ve been avoiding me because you’ve certainly not been avoiding fucking some super model, am I right?” I gave a laugh, but what I really wanted to do was cry out all my tears. I didn’t have a shred of control over what my mouth was saying and I didn’t care that I could have hurt him. He had no right to do that to me, to screw with my emotions so much.

“Well, if that’s how you put it, I’ve been wondering if maybe it’s best if we break up, mainly because we’re always fighting, but I haven’t been unfaithful, I-” he tried to say, feed me some sappy story, but I wasn’t as dumb as he was thinking.  
“I said, quit it with the lies! Just admit that you want out of the Jonas Brothers because you want to be away from me so that you can go about your life and live a heterosexual love story with some girl you can be seen in public with! I bet you would even let her blow you in public, uh?”I interrupted him. By then, I had risen to my feet and I was already in Nick’s face, ready to engage in a physical altercation if I had to.   
He took a step back in fear, he might have been building his body for the last three years, but I was still the oldest, strongest one.  
“Joe, you’re missing the point! I wanted to get some space from you because we just don’t work anymore! I’m unhappy with how things are between us because we can’t find the harmony we once had and you’re not keeping your promises… if anything, I have the right to assume you’re cheating on me since you’re making out with Blanda in public. You keep doing that when we had that talk a thousand times through the years. Don’t you remember, we said that it was just for our fans to believe that we’re straight, but I didn’t think it meant you could tongue-fuck her in front of cameras, of me, when you know how jealous I get!” Nick had tears in his eyes. They were bitter ones. He was biting his now quivering lip, afraid that I could see him break because of me, as I wasn’t breaking because of him. All I knew as that took place, was that I really wanted him to sob in desperation and beg me to stay, I wanted him to be in pain.

“Oh so now you’re flipping the script? You should know that the accuser is usually the culprit.  
We said it a million times, whatever happened, we would never bring an end to us, but here you are, breaking this sacred vow. You’re full of shit.” I let out, bitterly, looking him straight in the eyes to add more intensity to it.  
“Guys, please, won’t you hear yourselves? I don’t think this is the right time for a lover’s quarrel. I’d say that the bombshell news is Nick telling us he wants the Jonas Brothers to disband, I think maybe we should focus on that.” Kevin broke his silence. Before that, he couldn’t find the words to say, since he’d been too stunned.  
In that instance, it was like he didn’t exist. Looking at it now, I feel so bad for him, since he had to sit there and witness two lovers fall out right before his eyes.  
Nick agreed with him by saying that he had a point. Such ridiculousness, now he was trying to change the subject.  
“Don’t think that I’m with you on this, though. I have no idea where this is coming from, are you tired of working with us?” Kevin said with such composure, I wanted to rip the hairs out of his head.   
“Honestly, Kevin, don’t you think that this has gone a bit into the background? Some bigger things are going on here and now and, after this, I have no intentions of staying in the group if I have to see this cheater every day and work with him!” I snapped. Frankly, he couldn’t have found a worse timing to bring that back.

“Oh not again!” Nick shouted in an exasperation. “I wanted to tell you about this after talking about the most important issue here, which is me not wanting to keep working alongside you guys because we literally have nothing in common, musically speaking. But you had to make it all about you, as always.”  
He was now getting in my face as well.  
“We have nothing in common, my ass!” I said, even though I knew I was wrong. “We’ve been doing this half our lives and I can’t believe you, of all people, would want to split just because of creative differences! Now, I just want the truth to come out of your mouth. I know you better than I know myself and you can’t really fool me.”

**Nick’s POV**

Joe was accusing me of cheating, in front of Kevin, right after I had brought up a more serious issue.   
My initial intentions were to tell them that I thought the Jonas Brothers should be no more, then tell him that I wanted our relationship to end as well, but I wanted to do it later and separated from our brother, and be as mature as possible.  
But Joe… he had some sort of sensor when it came to me, he knew exactly when I was telling a lie. Also he had compulsive tendencies, which meant he could erupt at any given moment.  
Something that I had planned on keeping from him was that what he had suggested… was true.  
I had really slept with her, thus cheating on him, even if I wanted to stay true to him, I had broken the most important element of any relationship: trust.  
I couldn’t go on with that pantomime anymore, I was already found out.  
Joe had a look in his eyes that betrayed him and showed all of his emotions, I had already damaged him beyond repair, even if I hadn’t confirmed his theory yet.  
I was about to devastate him and I wanted to physically hurt myself for doing that to him, the person I loved the most in the world.  
I swallowed the lump in my throat and I just spilled the beans..  
“It’s true, I slept with her.” I said, looking down in shame. “I did it because I was mad at you for how you acted in public with Blanda.”  
Joe was paralyzed, he couldn’t even move. It must be really awful to be cheated on, especially if you love the person who did that to you with all your heart.  
I could only imagine what he was going through, but the fact that he was keeping silent was starting to make me feel worried.  
I knew his reactions had some explosiveness in them and I thought it was weird that none of it wasn’t happening.  
What happened next stayed printed in my mind for years.  
Joe fell to the floor in the scariest sobbing fit I had ever witnessed, he was clutching his stomach to prevent his body from breaking in two, at least that was what it looked like.  
He was screaming in pain,as if someone had literally shot him in cold blood.  
I was too shocked in order to react to that scene, except for covering my mouth.  
Kevin instantly ran to him and tried to help him get back on his feet, but Joe held onto him as he cried all over his shirt.  
“Joe, Joseph… please, calm down!” Kevin pleaded, almost on the verge of tears himself, as anyone with a heart would have been.  
Joe kept trying to say something, but his violently shaking body made it impossible for him to do so.  
He was completely destroyed inside and it was all my fault.   
The sight of him behaving like that made me feel like a piece of shit and maybe I truly was one.  
“Joe, I… I’m sorry, I thought we were done-” I tried to say, although I knew that anything I could have said, wouldn’t have been enough for him to be fine.  
“Nicholas, please. I think it’s best if you leave.” Kevin said in a reprimanding tone, all while trying to keep Joe in place.   
He kept whispering soothing words in Joe’s ear, hugging him so tightly like his life depended on it.  
“But, I have things to say to him-” I argued, despite knowing I probably should have left.   
“He has nothing to say to you!” Kevin scolded. His protectiveness towards Joe made it pretty clear to me whose side he was on.   
Probably alarmed by Joe’s blood curdling screams, our father rushed into the room.  
“Oh dear, Joseph, what happened?” Dad panicked, while joining Kevin in his middle son’s assistance.  
Joe was trying his best to breathe, but he couldn’t do it right.  
I felt awful for my father, because he had already witnessed a similar breakdown not two hours before.  
I wondered how he could have not gone mad yet.  
Kevin explained to him that Joe had not had the best reaction to the news of me breaking up the band and that he was heartbroken over me, someone he loved so much, being able to take away his most prized possession, which was us working together on music making.  
It didn’t matter that my father was supportive of my decision; he was still on the ground, carrying Joe through a very serious bawling episode - he was going to be on his side.  
I had a horrible feeling shoot through my lower stomach, telling me that I had lost everything right then and there.


	8. Gone For Real

**Nick’s POV**  
Two weeks before breaking it to my brothers that I wanted to split up the band, I did something that haunted me for years, that ate away at my guts and prevented me from sleeping without having night terrors.

I was really upset at Joe for being overly affectionate with Blanda in front of everyone, especially if I was present at an outing, so much that I had a lot of built up anger inside.

Joe and Kevin were already in LA, finishing up the last songs to put on our latest album, getting ready for the impending tour, while I was still in New York with my fake girlfriend, Olivia, to shoot for a modeling campaign - apparently we were the hot couple- and I was staying at her place, temporarily.  
Olivia and I had a policy that, if we were living together, we had to sleep in separate bedrooms.  
However, on that particular night, we had drunk a little too much with the crew post-modeling - I was barely 21 and drinking seemed like an amazing and rebellious thing to me - and we were both feeling lonely, given Olivia wasn’t over her ex.  
As soon as we got home, my inhibitions were completely turned off and I began kissing her.  
She didn’t push me away, I guess because she wanted to feel somewhat high after suffering so much. On the contrary, she grabbed me by my tie and led me to her bedroom.

I was in a haze, I had so much alcohol in my system that I couldn’t even think straight. Kissing a woman was weird, it lacked anything associated with love, passion… there was just a hint of physical pleasure, but it was more gentle than my kisses with Joe.  
It was not as hot, but I didn’t mind too much, nor did I have the ability to do so.  
Olivia’s mouth latched onto my neck and I imagined Joe doing that, it was the only way to get her to continue.  
It was all pretty much a blur, after that, I can only remember how odd it felt to be the one penetrating someone, instead of being penetrated, and how different the female orgasm was from mine or Joe’s.  
It wasn’t until I woke up the next day, in the middle of a hangover, that I realized I had thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to me.  
Even if I had a throbbing headache, I got hit by fuzzy memories and, upon seeing I was naked next to Olivia in her bed, I cursed myself for being such a piece of shit.  
What made me feel sick to my stomach, though, was Joe’s text message from ten minutes before I woke up, which said “Hurry up coming here, I miss you.”  
I couldn’t believe that I had done something so deplorable, especially since I always preached about being a loyal person and that sincerity was my best quality.  
I had done him wrong, and I regretted it, although he didn’t know yet.  
The guilt in me was too much and I really wanted to go back in time and prevent myself from drinking a little bit over what I could take or letting a girl take off my clothes and have sex with me.  
My plan was to hide it from him, but I knew that our thing had to be over. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes, or ever let him touch me again without feeling repulsive towards my own body.  
It needed to end, since I had done the unthinkable.  
I wanted to keep the betrayal a secret, but Joe had discovered my adultery right away.  
I often seemed to forget that he had known me since birth and he could tell when I wasn’t being truthful, that was what gave me away.  
I have to admit, I hadn’t really done a good job at keeping him in the dark, since I was being excessively distant and irritable, when we were together.  
The night we broke up, I tore him to shreds. He was falling apart right before my eyes and anything I did wasn’t going to mend his broken heart.  
I could only watch, helplessly, as our father and brother tried their best at comforting him.

**Joe’s POV**  
The hardest part of the Jonas Brothers breakup, was that we had to announce it to the public, since we would have cancelled the tour which was going to begin the day after.  
Instead of a concert, we had to take a flash interview the morning of the scheduled first show.  
It was horrible to stand right beside Nick as we spoke to the cameras focused on us.  
I was visibly distressed and people, of course, thought that it was because I was saying goodbye to a very significant part of my life. What they didn’t know was that I was bidding farewell to two very dear things to me, which couldn’t coexist anymore.  
Our fans were really sad that we were bringing an end to such a colossal project and they couldn’t understand why that had happened so suddenly.  
I hardly kept myself from crying upon being questioned why.

Nick was my everything.  
Many people tell you that it’s unimaginable for someone to represent such a vital importance, but Nick… he was my first thought when I woke up and the last one before I went to sleep, usually in his arms, which is why it was going to be extremely hard to live without him, but I had to.  
Spending time with him, performing with him on stage would have been out of the question, for I would have been stricken by memories, both good and bad ones, but, since it was so fresh, the negative ones would have prevailed.  
I would have ended up drowning in tears at the sight of him singing close to me.  
Although I had seen it coming, I had hoped that I was just making it up in my head, out of insecurities regarding our love story.  
The fact that it was real, that he had actually made love to someone else out of spite, made me lose my trust in humanity.  
You couldn’t even be sure about the person you knew better than anyone else, they would have found a way to disappoint you, eventually.  
He must have been utterly cruel to be able to hurt me that way, he must have felt a staggering amount of sadistic pleasure as his body interlaced itself with someone else.  
Thinking about it made me want to fall to my knees and cry out in agony all over again.  
I had never intended on having that reaction, but hearing a confirmation of my doubts had made it a hundred times more unbearable.  
It was almost like I had been killed mercilessly, because I had no light of life anymore; I was an extinguished fire.  
Following our heart wrenching interview, all I wanted to do was fly back home, to my mother and Frankie, and just spend my days there, being taken care of by my loving family as I tried to keep my head above the wuthering waters of depression, but Nick caught up to me and put himself in front of me, blocking my way.  
“Joe, please… hear me out.” he said, his gaze posed on me so tenderly, I had an urge to hold him close, but I had to fight it.  
He was fidgeting his fingers in apparent unease, hoping for me to talk to him and tell him that he would be forgiven.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t say anything. I simply walked away from him.  
He didn’t give up right away, though, since he ran after me.  
He even went as far as grabbing my arm, while begging me to turn around to look at him, too bad I didn’t want to. Or rather, I couldn’t, or I would have fallen for those eyes again.

Even though it was extremely hard to ignore him, I had promised myself I would never let him get into my head anymore, so I left him there to plead.

I ended up flying straight to New Jersey, not looking back.  
Inside the plane, I was locked in a state of never ending pain. Now that I was there, without Nick, alone with my thoughts, my head became too heavy. I wanted to block out everything, find some sort of strong obliviating medicine that would have erased him from my memory.  
I drifted in and out of sleep, desperately trying to find a strategy to make the sorrow go away, but it only made it worse. Good dreams are worse than bad ones, when your heart is in a million little pieces.  
I asked myself how much longer of that ordeal I had to endure.  
It was really cold once I landed in Newark. Octobers were never warm there, which was something I had learned to forget, with my endless stays in California, but that time it felt like it was December.  
My mother picked me up at the airport, Frankie with her in the car. The first woman of my life embraced my body warmly and, when she pulled away, she gave me the most sympathetic look I had ever seen. She was really gutted after hearing the news of the disbandment - she was still pretty invested in her sons’ success - but she showed that she was in no way going to stand in the way of our mutual decision. The word mutual didn’t really add to it, but she couldn’t have known.  
It was late when I arrived and I really wanted to sleep, but I decided I would stay up for a few more hours, cuddling with mom and my little brother, which actually helped getting through the second most terrible night of my life.  
My body was so stressed that it gave me a fever, or something similar to it… I was emotionally spent.  
We watched a comfort movie, the three of us snuggled up to each other on the couch, eating chocolate, and I have to admit that it was therapeutic, not that I had the strength to do much else. I felt like I was a kid again, being held into my mother’s loving arms.I have to say that I needed that from her and I must thank her for how she handled me that night.  
When I was finally alone again, in the childhood room I used to share with Kevin and Nick, I allowed myself to properly break.  
I grabbed a picture frame from one of the shelves and stared at it, it was of me and Nick from about ten years before, just two young boys smiling while hugging each other, happy to be sharing a moment together.

**Nick’s POV**

****

****

Bombs.  
That’s what I had dropped.  
I had become a killer. I had murdered the heart of the kindest person I knew, who also happened to be my person.  
No matter how hard I tried to talk to him, explain myself, say how sorry I was, no feedback ever came from him.  
Watching him walk away from me was the most excruciating thing I had ever dealt with, even worse than when I’d found out I was diabetic.  
Now that I had torn my own family in two, I was by myself, left behind in a luxurious hotel room in Los Angeles.  
I was feeling hopeless, like I never would have seen the sun again, because I had come to find out that the true sunshine of my life had been Joe all along.  
It’s so true, what I said in one of my songs, you don’t know what you got until it’s gone, since I had not appreciated him in the last few months.  
I could have sat him at a table and told him that I wasn’t happy with how things were going between us and solved all of our problems by being honest.  
I had been too selfish and now I was paying the cost of it.  
Joe and Kevin had gone back to New Jersey, from what I knew, and I had to stay in Los Angeles for at least a week more, also because I had nowhere else to go. It would have been too awkward to go back to Olivia’s house, after what had gone down between us.  
I dialed Joe’s number for the hundredth time, still receiving no response, which led me to throw my phone to the ground, smashing its screen in the process.  
Filled with anger towards myself for everything I had caused, I sat on the empty bed and screamed while squeezing my head in my hands.  
I grabbed the sheets and ripped them apart, fully knowing I would have had to pay back for them, but I couldn’t care less.  
All of a sudden, my eyes fell on something; I could see that there was a small piece of paper on the floor.  
Out of curiosity, I picked it up and turned it around. I wished I hadn’t done it.

****

**Joe’s POV**  
I took a long look at the picture, my eyes watering without a warning for about the thousandth time that day. 

****

**Nick’s POV**  
I was holding a polaroid of me and Joe, that famous picture of us on the Camp Rock set, three days after getting together, the one that he kept in his wallet. It was blurry, it being taken at night, but we looked so happy to be standing close to each other, my curly head resting on Joe’s shoulder as we grinned from ear to ear.  
The fact that it was forgotten on the carpet meant that Joe had purposely thrown it out of the wallet.

****

**Joe’s POV**  
I wished things had been different, that Nick had never had the audacity to lock his lips with mine while filming a Disney movie, that we had never discovered a mutual attraction for each other.  
But mostly, I wished that I didn’t have to see reminders of him being gone, but the house was packed with childhood photos of us, so that would have been unlikely.

****

**Nick’s POV**

****

I inadvertently started crying hard.  
All of the memories from that day flooded my brain, latching themselves onto it like a dangerous parasite.  
Me taking the initiative of kissing Joe, sending to hell any worry that we would have formed a relationship that society never would have accepted, just us giving in to our feelings, were all things that made awake time unmanageable.  
I hated being able to have a full working mind, for I wanted to be numb, deprived of my feelings, drowning in the blissful sweetness of ignorance. I couldn’t take it anymore.

****

**Joe’s POV**  
I took one last look at the frame in my hands, right before smashing it to the ground, standing still as the glass shattered, simultaneously with my bond with Nick.  
**Nick’s POV**  
I tore up the polaroid picture in two pieces, symbolically unbinding myself from Joe.  
**Joe and Nick’s POV**

****

I threw myself to the ground and let myself sob freely, taking in all the anguish and making it mine.  
I would have missed him forever.

****


	9. The Beginning Of Nemi

**Nick's POV**

Two months after the split, I was still in Los Angeles, spending all my money on alcohol and weed.  
I wasn't getting up early so I was missing interviews, important meetings and deadlines… I was sabotaging myself.  
I wasn't even working out anymore, I had let myself go to waste.  
Hell, there was also no chance I would shower or shave more than once a week.  
My days would start at 2 pm, after I'd spent the whole night trying to stay high.  
I would usually fall asleep on the sofa, still wearing my clothes from the day before, but it wasn't weird for me to sleep in the bathtub or on the kitchen table.  
At least, I had a home now. I was staying at a rented apartment, and although it was still rich looking, to me it always seemed gloomy.  
I had no interaction with anyone, except maybe my housekeeper, but she didn't know English nor did she recognize me.  
After a month, I had ghosted all of my agents, except for the most insisting ones, but my inability to show up at their callbacks was usually enough for them to drop me.  
I was rotting away like a homeless man who's just lost everything because, let's face it, I had really lost everything.  
Every part of me had gone to die after I had ruined everything with Joe and the rest of my family.  
It didn't matter how hard I tried to reach out to them, the answer was always the same, "leave things the way they are", usually told by Kevin.  
How can someone choose to leave things like that? I knew they were all hurting over me, but I was hoping they would wake up one day and call me, telling me that they wanted to make everything ok…  
I was a fool, but then again I was barely 21 years old.  
One day, I was roaming through the streets of LA, by myself, in search for booze, looking my worst (I had a long beard and my hair was curly but horribly unkempt), when someone called out my name.  
"Nick?" said the person, incredulous. It was a girl's voice, I recognized her right away.  
"What? Oh, Demi, hi!" I said, doing my best to sound excited to see her.  
It was actually pretty strange to see my old nemesis and say hi to her like that, but, in the end, she had been sort of a classmate to me and she was the only familiar face I had seen in months..  
She greeted back with her famous bone crushing hug. Hugging her was different than how it had been years before; she was fuller in body weight and I was glad, because that was healthier than her usual way.  
"I never thought I'd see the day," she giggled in my arms, "of Nicholas Jerry Jonas wandering round Los Angeles by himself."  
I pulled away rather quickly, as I wasn't the biggest fan of physical contact.  
"Well, there's a first time for everything." I said with a tired voice.  
Demi looked at me with a quizzical expression.  
"How is it that you're here without your brothers or your girlfriend? And you're not that… fashionable, no offence." she observed.  
"Well, I've been living here by myself actually. I, um, haven't seen my brothers in two months and Olivia... Well, we're doing long distance, she's busy modeling."I said with a shrug, as if talking about myself wasn't as interesting as the rest.  
Demi gave me a pitiful look, squeezing my arm for comfort.  
I hated when people felt compassionate with me, it made me feel like I was a delicate flower and people were scared of breaking me. Didn't they notice that I was a mountain of muscle?  
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, sounding like my old psychologist.  
Before I could respond, she spoke again.  
"Tell you what, if you don't have anything else to do, come to my house." she offered me with the brightest smile I'd ever seen.  
"We can, you know, do like the old times."  
She put two fingers on her mouth and blew air through them. She was suggesting getting high together.  
"Oh, w- I don't know if I can, I mean it's -" I mumbled, but the girl interrupted me once again.  
"Come on, Nick! What is that you have to do? Your hair is awful, you have a beard that, by the looks of it, you haven't shaven in two weeks. I doubt you have anything better to do."  
She had a point. I ended up accepting her proposal, after all I had nothing left to lose.  
Demi's house looked exactly like the mansion I'd stayed in for the filming of JONAS LA.  
It was spacious, clean and it also smelled really good. I could have lived in a house like that.  
We went by the pool to smoke.  
The water was covered with a big, plastic cloth, but the chairs were still there. Plus, December in California was never too cold.  
In that moment, I felt finally alive. Someone really wanted to spend time with me, it almost sounded unreal.  
"So, what's bothering you?" Demi asked while rolling a blunt.  
I swallowed a lump that was forming in my throat and I looked away. I wasn't ready to talk about it, so I decided not to.  
"I thought you weren’t allowed to smoke weed after your rehab?” I asked about her, instead.  
“Ah silly!” she said with a laugh, “I can’t use cocaine or alcohol. Nothing was said about weed and also I think that it’s good for me because it helps me relax.” That said, she passed me the joint, then she took more stuff from her grinder and proceeded to roll another one for herself. 

I nodded, slightly confused. I felt that she was not being completely honest but I didn’t want to say anything that she would have taken as an offence.  
Given I wasn’t saying anything, Demi continued speaking.  
“It’s been a rough few years.” she sighed, her face expressing that she was sad, “It’s been really hard for me, but I came back up with an album, which did very great, but I can’t say that I’m proud of each decision that I’ve made.”  
I was the one giving people pitiful looks now and I hated myself for being so incoherent.  
I didn’t really know how to comfort people in those situations, so I opted to try and contradict her words about herself.  
“I am proud of you, Demi, for overcoming that and I think it’s beautiful that a young woman like you could have been through such an emotional turmoil and made it with just a couple scars. I feel really bad for not messaging you or anything… I guess I was too focused on my problems and it was very egotistical on my part and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been such a bad friend.” Apologising to someone felt great, it was liberatory, especially when that person was willing to listen to you.  
Demi gave me half a smile.  
“Don’t say that, Nick. I know you struggled too. We were too young when we rose to fame and I think that you got it so bad because you were the youngest member of a super famous band. I don’t blame you for breaking up the Jonas Brothers, in fact I admire this decision of yours.” She picked up a lighter from her purse and then she lit up both of our blunts. “I mean, obviously I’m devastated because you guys were amazing and I always felt a lot of affection towards all of you - actually I miss touring with you - but it’s your decision, Nick. I can’t get mad at you for choosing to put your family first and focus on your own career..”  
I wondered how it could be that Demi knew exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. She was the first person to ever tell me that I hadn’t fucked up my life by doing what I did. What she didn’t know, though, was that I had done something far worse than putting an end to the Brothers. I had broken the trust of the person I loved the most in the whole universe..  
I took a hit from the joint. I felt the substance invade my lungs and I instantly started to feel better, for the fifth time on that day.  
The hours spent between one smoke and another were atrocious, but at least they ended.  
“I’m glad you understand why I made that decision… you have to believe me when I say that my brothers and I were not getting along anymore. We were in a constant fight and I couldn’t take it anymore. However, when I told them they instantly hated me and apparently they still do. To be honest with you, I wouldn’t be surprised if they never spoke to me again.” I let out. Maybe it was the pot, but I was letting my guard down a little and it felt good.  
“Your brothers love you. I mean, you have a very close bond - hell, I wish I was like this with my sisters! You guys are tied by the hip and it would be really a shame if you never spoke again, which is why I think it will happen, just give them time.” Demi said as the fumes were already turning her eyes red. I could see that she was almost ready to go to sleep, for how relaxed she was. It was good to see her like this and not angry or frustrated.  
I could feel yet another lump forming in my throat. I was starting to get high, yet I still felt the need to cry. I appreciated her so much in that moment and all I wanted to do was hug her while being a sobbing mess, but I just stared at her.  
“Come on, you’re better than this, Nick! You have too much to offer, you can’t let yourself go like this!” She continued with her encouraging monologue.

“Thank you, Demi.” I said in a broken voice. “I know… I just think that it’s unlikely for my brothers to forgive me anytime soon, as they’ve been ignoring me for the past two months. I also feel like I’m no longer relevant, you know? I’ve been offered a role in this TV show yet I don’t know if I should take it because I let all of my fans down and what if they turn off their screens every time they see me on them, because they all hate me so much?”  
“It’s too fresh now, but times will change. True, your fans might be sad, but I highly doubt they’d turn off their television after seeing you on it. Hell, anyone who has eyes will tune in just to stare at your face and body.” Demi said with a chortle. “I think you should accept this role and break from the stigma that Disney glued to your image.”  
She was right; rationally thinking, I was just at the beginning and I still needed to spread my wings and breakaway, but my brain was too busy giving me shots of painful thoughts.  
“I’m not really sure… for instance, I can’t stand not being able to talk to Joe and I’m genuinely scared he’ll hate me forever. I screwed him up big time and no one in the family seems to be giving me a chance to speak to him. They keep telling me to butt out of his business and this is seriously a nightmarish thing to me.”  
I had to accept that weed was not really strong enough to block out my emotions, even though it was making me say things I never thought I’d say while sober.  
I was afraid I’d reveal certain aspects of my life that would have scared her off.  
Demi burst into yet another laughter. I was glad that at least she was engaging into a happy level of high.  
“Joe hating you forever? That’s bullshit, man! If there’s anyone on this Earth who would die for you in a heartbeat, it’s him. He loves you more than anything. Believe me, I sort of dated him and we spent a lot of time together and he wouldn’t shut up about you. Ever.” As she said the last words her eyes widened in what seemed like a reminiscing of a very annoying aspect of Joe.  
That surprised me. I’d never thought that he felt that way about me. Constantly blabbing about me? Hell, I wish I had known at 15, I never would have loathed Demi to the core.  
I suddenly felt something wet on my cheeks. Shit, I was crying in front of her, without even taking notice of it before.  
“Well, he doesn’t love me anymore.” I said while wiping my eyes.  
“Aw Nicky, don’t cry, or else I’ll cry too.” She said while taking my hand into hers and giving it a squeeze. “Joe will never stop loving you, I could bet my life on it. I don’t think he could ever lose his most prized possession, a boyfriend as caring as you.”  
I was crying even more, if that was even possible. Demi being so nice to me after it had been so long since someone had even listened to me, it was too overwhelming, so much so that it didn’t hit me right away.  
Boyfriend. She’d said the word boyfriend. How was it possible, who had told her? My heartbeat sped up its tempo as I was filled with anxiety.  
“Uh, you mean brother? Boy- uh.. I guess Mary Jane is doing her job.” I chuckled nervously.  
“No, I mean boyfriend.” Demi shook her head. “What you and Joe have is palpable. If someone knows you well, they can tell. For example, we toured together and you didn’t think I’d noticed how you two would always lock yourselves in a room, after a concert? Or that you would sing into the same microphone, thus having your mouths so close to each other, looking like you were about to kiss?” She raised her eyebrows.  
So, no one had told her, but our chemistry was so out there for everyone to see?  
“What? That’s ridiculous, we’re brothers! That would be incest and that’s really gross.” I kept on denying the evidence, hoping she would fall for it, but I was stuttering, while also blushing furiously.  
“You’re a bad liar, Nicholas. I’m telling you this because I accept what you have. I mean, incest is wrong if the two people committing it are able to make babies and therefore create a monstrosity for offspring, but you and Joe are two males, so where should the problem be?” She said that as if she was talking about homophobia.  
I was surprised to learn that so many people weren’t so judgemental like I had thought, and even more so that one more person I knew so well wouldn’t spit in my face in disgust.  
My silence probably gave away that she had guessed right.  
“You don’t have to hide anything from me, Nick. I’ve known you since we were teenagers and I know we haven’t always been the best of friends, but your secret’s safe with me. I could never betray you like that. Think about it, if I had wanted to, I would have already told everyone.” Demi continued, leaving me pretty astonished.  
She felt so comfortable while talking about incest that it made me feel like I could trust her with my life. So I confirmed it to her.  
“Is it that obvious?” I simply said, biting my bottom lip.  
“Undeniable. Which is why I’m telling you, you’ll find your way back to each other. You know what, I wrote a song about a falling out - the one I had with Selena - and I think we should record it as a duet, so you can put it in your new album.” She said rather excitedly.  
And that was when Nemi - our super close friendship - was born.


	10. Chances Are Missed, Move On

**Joe's POV**

I spent around two and a half months in my childhood home in Little Falls, in the company of my parents and Frankie.   
I wasn't ready to go back to the scene, not yet, it would have been too heartbreaking to perform without Nick, this time permanently, unlike my Fastlife era.   
I wanted to give it a shot at living a normal life, just this family guy enjoying the people around him in the most average way possible.   
It wasn't the best two months of my life, but at least I was trying hard to get myself back to health.   
Getting over Nick, I already knew would not have been an option, ever, obviously I couldn't have forgotten my brother.  
The house was filled with memories and that was one more reason why I couldn't truly move on.   
My family members hardly named him ever, thinking that it would somehow make me angry over him crushing my dreams, which I'm thankful for, but they had no idea why I was so devastated.   
They would also prevent me from having any direct contact with Nick, meaning that they wouldn't take his calls - or, if they did, they'd tell him I wasn't home, but I was, all the time.   
He would also text me, but I was not allowed to reply.  
At some point, he stopped, but I was bummed.   
I must have been a masochist, but I would have done fucking anything to see him once again, although I knew it would have been extremely negative.   
All I could do was play his voicemail. His crying voice begging me to call him back so he could explain himself was really depressing, but at least I could hear him speak. It was like he was there with me.  
I was too delusional, that was what Kevin would say, whenever he visited us.   
I knew he wasn't wrong, but, as much as I hated myself for it, I still loved Nick with all my heart.   
There were a few peculiar things that would happen, I had noticed.   
An example of it was me calling Frankie "Nick" whenever we were together.   
The first time I had done it was while playing with him in the snow.   
He had just thrown me a snowball, so I went on and said "Nice throw, Nick!"   
Frankie thought I had gone mad.   
"Nick? Come on, I already get enough of it at school, whenever my peers see that my last name is Jonas!" I recall him snorting.   
Franklin loved us, but he didn't really like being associated with the band. He only wanted to be a brother to us and, of course, his own person.   
"And Joe, you need to stop with this obsession with Nick. Sure, I'm mad at him too for how he treated you, but right now he needs to sort out his shit and it's not helping you do the same thing if you keep seeing him in photos everywhere. I don't know why, but you and Nick have always had this unhealthy relationship as brothers. I mean I can see why he felt suffocated. " He basically reprimanded me.   
I have to say that his speech made me think long and hard about how my behavior towards Nick had been too obsessive. It can't have been a lie and thinking back about certain aspects, it showed.  
I had made the horrible mistake of thinking that I had deserved to be cheated on by him, as I had pushed him too much.   
It wasn't really the best idea, to live somewhere that reminded me so much of him and I guessed I should have seen it before doing that for the past couple of months.   
My mom brought up another issue, one morning at breakfast, when it was just me and her.   
"Joseph, dear," she said while stacking the freshly cooked pancakes on top of each other. "I love you, but right now I'm thinking that here, you're stuck. I mean, you're only 24, yet you're behaving like a middle aged man in retirement. You have so much potential, you don't need anyone else to help you shine."   
I loved how my mother's talks were always filled with sweetness, even when she was trying to tell me that she wanted me out of the house.   
I got up to help her with the pancakes and distributed them on two different plates.   
"You're right. But right now, I don't really know what to do… I'm thinking of maybe writing some music down, although I'm not sure." I said with a sigh. "However, I decided that I'm going to live with Blanda in Switzerland, in her house. But it’s only temporary."   
Mama Denise's face lit up once she heard me say it. She really liked Blanda as a girlfriend of mine and I could tell that she could hardly wait for me to pop the question, which never would have happened.   
I wanted to explore being with her for real, even if the contract would have ended five months later. I needed a warm body beneath me - many people used that as a way to get over an ex, so might as well…   
On Christmas day, I moved in with Blanda in Zurich, as far as I could from the dreadful City Of Devils, as I liked to call it, since there was nothing angelic about that city, not to me.   
The question came rather casually, right after the Christmas dinner.   
"Say, why don't we have some fun in the last five months of the contract?" I asked her. She was sitting on a chair, on her phone, boringly checking her texts. She lifted her face up to look at me and gave me a shrug.   
"Doable." she said in her heavy, Swiss German accent, right before dropping the phone to the floor and jumping me right then and there.   
Sex with a woman was…Slimy.   
No, I didn't dig vaginas, that was already out there, but I guess that a mouth is a mouth and a hole is a hole, right? So, as long as I kept my eyes closed and imagined doing someone else, I could do it easily.   
Sure, it was impossible for me to get an erection just by looking at her boobs, but imagination did wonders, especially when paired up with alcohol.   
The initial months of 2014 were just about uneventful, except for the odd trip to America to visit friends, until Kevin's daughter was born.   
The news of the pregnancy had come in May of the previous year and I had not given it enough credit, as that month had been full of fights with my brothers.   
But when I finally became an uncle, the emotion was indescribable.   
I had to rush back to New Jersey the day that my niece, Alena, was released from the hospital alongside her mother.   
It was Valentine's day, when that happened, a different one than all of the previous years. There had always been something in common with the V days from 2008 to 2013, and it was Nick.  
The memories from those days nested in my head and made it so hard to live with the knowledge that they never would have repeated themselves.   
Laughing with him while kissing him with sloppiness, right after a date, making love to him all night were all things that wouldn't leave my mind, not ever, and I had to accept it.   
I hopped on the first plane to New York that Zurich had to offer and rode a cab straight to Kevin's house, all of this in the company of Blanda.   
When I was at his doorstep, I heard people laughing from inside the home and anxiety decided to shake my body whole.  
It had been four months since I had seen my older brother and, even though we had been talking, I was still nervous that the atmosphere would be tense.   
Also, I can't hide that I was terrified at the idea of running into Nick, although I knew it would have been inevitable.   
I swallowed hard before ringing the doorbell, Blanda holding my hand.   
The door swung open as a giggling Kevin greeted us.   
He looked happy to see us, even if it was probably because he had just become a father.  
He hugged us both rather affectionately and then let us in.  
"Where is Alena?" I whispered, afraid that loud noises could have woken a sleeping baby.   
"She's in the living room, come." said Kevin, motioning for me to go after him.   
I could see that Blanda wasn't extremely comfortable with the whole situation.   
I would have felt out of place, too, but my parents would have been there so I thought that they could see me in her company.   
When entering the living room, I noticed that my parents and Frankie were there, alongside Dani, her siblings and her parents.  
No sign of Nick.   
I took a sigh of relief I didn't know I was holding and made my way to my mother, who was rocking the baby.   
I asked Dani if I could pick her up, which she agreed to, and held my niece in my arms for the first time.   
She was so fragile, I was afraid I would break her, so I sat on the couch, next to mom.  
Alena was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen, in all seriousness.  
She also smelled amazing. A little weird to say, but babies have a smell that is so good, anyone would wish they could put their nose to those tiny creatures' heads all day long.   
I was so happy, I felt like the world wasn't such a bad place anymore, if someone so pure lived in it. I suddenly felt an urge to protect that tiny human, to shield her away from anything that could be harmful.   
A few happy tears were shed and a picture was taken, forever capturing that moment of tenderness.   
Frankie was the next one to take her into his arms and have his picture taken as well.   
Blanda took advantage of that reunion to introduce herself to my parents, who had only caught a glimpse of her before. They seemed to like her, which made me feel a bit guilty, given I would have 'broken up' with her in just ninety days.   
Being around Kevin was OK, as it had always been and no mention of the Jonas Brothers was made, thankfully.   
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Kevin walking to the entrance hall to welcome yet another guest into his house.   
It was only when I heard a very familiar voice squeal over Alena, that I realized that my ex was in the same room as me.   
I watched him hold our niece and basically act like I had just minutes before.   
He lifted his eyes and when he met my gaze, he instantly looked away, by instinct.   
My reaction was rather different; I kept on staring at him, my heart sinking in my chest, going so deep I could feel it in my feet.   
He was a little less muscular than usual - he had definitely stopped working out since I'd seen him last - but he still looked gorgeous to me.   
His hair had grown back and, even if he was hiding it with a very hideous hat, there was a hint of his signature curls, which made the cape less ugly and brought back bittersweet moments.   
My fingers had roamed through those curls so many times, and it felt unnatural to me that I couldn't do it anymore.   
I never would have known how it felt to touch his hair and mindlessly play with the loops they formed.   
I never would have kissed his lips again, those same lips that were lightly pecking our niece's forehead.   
For a second, I went back in time, three years and a half to be exact, and saw me and Nick on that couch.   
No one else was present, it was just me and him, kissing each other slowly.   
It was before his birthday, before giving our virginities to each other and before anyone in this universe knew about us.   
It was before the storm, back when things were idyllic between us, when nothing threatened to break us apart and all that mattered was that we were loving each other.   
When I came back to reality, my happy tears became sad ones. 

**Nick's POV**

Living in LA with Demi had been a certain form of therapy.  
I had accepted the role of Nate Kulina in a TV show called Kingdom and I was already filming it.  
My character was gay and I had to film some racy scenes with a man, all of which felt scary and familiar at the same time.   
During interviews, people would ask me if it was strange to me, acting as if I was gay.  
Little did they know that I wasn’t acting at all.  
I was taking back my life, in the company of a young lady who was also taking back hers, even if nights got a little bit colder as time went on, not just weather wise.  
It was the lack of Joe that made the usual, mild californian winters feel like those in Antarctica.  
Christmas had been quite depressing - Demi and I eating take out from Taco Bell - but it could have been worse.  
Demi and I had formed an alliance in our sorrow and we were working our way through disgrace with a smile on our faces. At least, we were in it together.  
Olivia and I were still together and living a long distance relationship for the media, even if there were some fans who were already speculating I was actually Demi’s boyfriend.  
They couldn’t have gone further away from the reality of things.  
I was really nervous when February 14th came along.  
My sister in law had given birth to a baby girl just ten days before and had invited the whole family over for a get together to celebrate the new addition to the Jonases, but I wasn’t sure about going.  
“Kevin won’t take it well if you don’t show up.” Demi commented, while removing her makeup, one night before bed. “Just go, it will also be a chance to try and talk to Joe.”  
She had a point, I couldn’t let everyone down once again just because I was afraid of seeing my ex, so I went.  
My heart was probably at 300 beats per minute when I was standing right before the door to Kevin’s household, the same way that it had been on the plane to Newark.  
My oldest brother opened the door with a smile plastered on his face. A bonus point, since I had expected him to give me his customary ‘I’m disappointed in you’ look.  
I awkwardly followed him to the living room, dreading to see the people I had wronged.  
I stopped breathing as soon as I saw Joe with his arm around Blanda’s shoulder.  
He had brought her into the gang, then, expanding the lie to everyone else.  
I felt my intestines twist with jealous rage, but I had to do everything in my power to avoid showing it.  
Seeing Joe was like seeing a ghost and I’m pretty sure my face lost a multitude of shades in the process.  
It made me so angry to see that fake blonde with him, had he moved on so quickly that he was already flaunting his bitch to our family? Something about the way he was behaving with her gave me the impression that they were doing more than just promoting each other.  
There was nothing much I could do, except mentally kick myself for cheating on him.  
I didn’t say hello to anyone; I simply cooed to my niece and held her close for a picture.  
It was cool and all, being an uncle, but the atmosphere was too weird for me to properly bask in the happiness of that moment, at the time being.  
I looked up from the baby, laughing falsely so my loved ones wouldn’t notice that I was dying inside, and locked eyes with my ex.  
My pupils dilated from the stupor. He was wearing sadness on his face, but it was an empty type of sadness. His eyes were hollowed out, stabbed by taking a spoonful of me.   
I glanced back at my niece and acted as if nothing had happened, but mentally I had lost a lung.   
Hours went by and Joe and I still didn't speak.   
Demi's voice rang in my ears, she had told me to take all my courage and face him... I didn't want to be a chicken.   
I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine, the one that Kevin stored in his fridge.   
Better use some liquid help.   
Upon returning in the living room, I could see that everyone was laughing quietly at something Dani had said, while my dad had Alena in his arms.   
Joe was sitting on the armchair, Blanda on his lap, and he was more handsome than ever.   
Now or never.  
I took one, two, three deep breaths, then I finally got the courage to walk up to him.  
Each step I took felt like I was closer and closer to the pillory or the guillotine, being sentenced to die in front of my whole family.  
Time to act.  
Before I could do something to get Joe’s attention, I saw Kevin signaling for me to stop in my tracks.  
I shook my head at him, if he thought I would give up on Joe, he was wrong.  
Seeing that I wasn’t willing to listen to him, he got up from the sofa, apparently ready to physically prevent me from talking to Joe.  
He didn’t need to do anything, as Blanda had already attached her lips to Joe’s and was basically eating his face whole. She did something that made me lose my cool - she looked me straight in the eyes as if to say, “Ah-ha, bitch! He’s all mine now.”  
She was fully committed to that kiss, while Joe’s fingers were in her hair. The bastard knew what he was doing, he was fully aware that I was witnessing the whole scene.  
That was payback; he had served it on a silver plate, sadistically enjoying that my heart was breaking in a million pieces, all because of him.  
If Kevin hadn’t held me back, I would have ruined everyone’s day by starting a fight.  
It was truly over.


	11. Encounters Of Tease

**Nick’s POV**

September, my birthday month. Usually, my birthday would have been a special moment if you were part of the Jonas Family, characterized by partying and endless fun.  
That year, 2014, on the fourth anniversary of my first time with Joe, it went differently.  
I didn't do anything on the actual day - too busy with Kingdom scenes- but three days after, on the 20th, Olivia and I went to an event called Fashion Rocks.  
They had an after party planned and we felt it only made sense to celebrate there.  
I had briefly moved in with her, in New York, because Demi was too busy filming Glee while I was working on my album.  
Fashion had always been important to me and I felt it could only be a good distraction from my still aching heart. It had always been a year since breaking up with Joe, but it still hurt.  
No contact with him, or the family, except for the odd bonding time with my niece, but other than that, there was nothing.  
Olivia and I got matching outfits for the night so that the visual aspect would have been impeccable; we were both rocking maroon fabric, me in a suit, her in a long, sparkly dress.  
When we got there, I spotted many famous faces on the red carpet, all the big names in fashion, actors and singers ready to donate their money to the cause.  
I was told I had to give a speech in an interview, which I was really nervous for.  
"I feel… honored? Or should I say ecstatic?" I asked more to myself than to Olivia.  
She gave a giggle in response.  
"Just say whatever your heart tells you." she said, rolling her eyes at me.  
She was getting used to me and my pre performance stresses; that girl deserved an award for putting up with me.  
"I'm definitely going to forget the lyrics." I joked.  
"There are no lyrics in an inspirational speech, silly. " she laughed and I was slightly taken aback that she had not gotten the joke.  
I wondered how it was.  
Sighing because I was judging myself as unfunny, I noticed that Olivia had changed her expression.  
She looked excited to see someone, but I didn't think too much of it, it was probably one of her celebrity crushes.  
It wasn't.  
"Isn't that Joe?" she asked while grabbing my arm.  
Shit. Joe? I hadn’t seen his name while scanning the guest list. He must have been added last minute. I definitely wasn’t ready to see him.  
"Uh?" I followed the direction of her eyes and confirmed her words; it was indeed Joe, posing for photos, smiling like there was no tomorrow.  
My instant reaction was to cover my face, even if it was pretty useless, given there were cameras everywhere around us.  
He would have known I was there.  
"Come on, you can't keep avoiding him! It's been a year since you split up the band. " Liv said as she slapped my arm. "I doubt he’s still mad at you. Let's go say hi."  
"I'd rather not to, the last time I saw him, he didn't even speak to me or acknowledge my presence…" I practically begged her not to, but she was already running to where Joe was standing.  
"Liv!" I called for her, but she kept on going..  
How was I supposed to face Joe, in front of hundreds of journalists who totally would have drowned us with questions about the Jonas Brothers breaking up?  
Hell, I wouldn't have made it through the first two minutes.  
I still went after Olivia, though.  
There was a sort of magnet that pulled me towards Joe, that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't ignore.  
I could feel myself sweat from the agitation, as Olivia wrapped her arms around Joe's body, giving the fans something to talk about.  
Joe was caught by surprise, but he posed with her irregardless.  
"Olivia Culpo? What brings you here?"  
Joe asked while looking at the flashing cameras.  
"Just chaperoning Nick." Olivia said as she ducked her head in my direction.  
"Oh my God, Nick!" Joe squeaked and, next thing I knew, I was sucked in a very tight hug.  
I was weirded out, to put it simply.  
Heck, only seven months before, he was giving me the cold shoulder and now, at a very public event, he was squeezing me into an embrace?  
I had to admit that, through the shock, it felt good to be enclosed in his arms, at last.  
It didn’t take long for me to relax, because I had missed him so much, more than words could ever express.  
He also smelled amazing. He had undeniably started caring for himself properly.  
I could hear him sigh contentedly and it made me tingle a bit.  
"Good to see you, little brother." he grunted.  
I just wanted to let him rock me gently, telling me everything was OK, but we were in front of thousands of eyes, so we had to pull away from each other.  
He was beaming.  
I wondered how that could be possible, part of me thought I was living one of those dreams that you wake up from wishing you hadn't left sweet slumber at all.  
I smiled back at him.  
“Good to see you, big brother.”

 **Joe's POV**  
I was happy to see Nick, even if he was in the company of his mistress.  
It had been so long, too long, since we'd fallen out and I was already moving on.  
Sure, I had broken up with Blanda, but I was living in New York, meeting up with fellow musicians to work on new projects.  
I had a date - a real one - for the night, Gigi Hadid, but she was somewhere else the moment I saw Nick.  
He was rarely on my mind, and the anger was starting to fade.  
I hadn't forgiven him yet, but I knew that hate was a feeling that damaged me in the first place.  
I was still in love with him though, and seeing him was something I was finally ready for. I didn't care that Kevin thought of it as 'wrong'.  
Nick hadn't expected me to be so friendly with him, I could tell - in the first ten seconds of the hug, he was stiff, but after the initial surprise, he let himself go.  
I was really happy to have him pressed to my chest again.  
Photographers went crazy at the sight of us together, after months of us doing our own, separate things.  
Before we knew it, we were dragged into a small room to get interviewed together, without even having the time to catch up.  
The interviewer had initially planned to have a chat with Nick only, but my presence got her going crazy.  
Her questions were about fashion and charity, but I wasn't paying attention to whatever issue she was bringing up; I was too busy contemplating Nick.  
My right arm kept switching from behind his shoulders, resting on the head of the couch, to his thighs.  
He had definitely been working out a lot.  
If it was possible, he looked even better than before.  
Our legs were touching, I could feel his warmth radiating into me, and it was a feeling I don't have words to describe.  
It felt so natural to be so close to his body again; it had been a very long time since we had been even remotely in the same room without wanting to kill each other.  
Subsequent to Fashion Rocks, there was an afterparty, which we both attended.  
Gigi showed up just in time for us to dance together.  
Five minutes in and Nick was all tangled up with Olivia, but his eyes were fixated on me, just like mine were glued to his face.  
Olivia flipped her hair as she clutched onto his chest, wrapping one leg around his middle, tango style. They kept on swaying to the beat - which was probably Rather Be by Clean Bandit.  
I grabbed Gigi by the waist and started grinding against her, much to her pleasure.  
We both did a body roll, so that we were closer than ever, our crotches rubbing against each other.  
I supposed Nick’s plan was to make me lose my mind, because he and Olivia were really going at it. He had his knee positioned in between her legs as she swung her hips back and forth.  
She was shamelessly dry humping him, all of this while they were holding each other in a chokehold of desire that I knew Nick wasn’t holding for her, but for me, since his eyes wouldn’t detach from my person.   
I saw a hint of lust in his irises, which made me go weak in the knees.   
It was getting really hot on that dance floor, I could feel my cheeks flare up and my legs tremble with arousal, but it wasn’t Gigi who was turning me on; it was the knowledge that I was making stuff happen in Nick’s pants.  
Not letting you win, I thought.  
I turned Gigi around and I began thrusting my pelvis onto her thighs, with my hands posed right below her breasts. She was going crazy, pushing her buttocks onto my groin, almost begging for me to not stop. Poor thing, I almost felt bad that I was using her to get some sort of personal gain.  
I had an erection now and she could feel it, that was why.  
My focus was on Nick, it was easier for him to observe my every move, now that I was behind Gigi, and I made sure he wouldn’t miss the slightest bit of the show.

 **Nick’s POV**  
Joe was cruel, that was the only explanation.  
He was sexy dancing with Gigi Hadid with the sole purpose of getting me all fired up. Boy, was he succeeding in the task.  
I knew that he was simulating sex with her just to make me wish he was doing it to me, for real.  
I hated him so much for having that much control over me. Oh, the way he was grinding on her ass, with his hands going further down her waist, just like he would do to me during those moments.  
I couldn’t let him win that easily, so I pulled Olivia’s head close to mine and crashed our lips together.  
The kiss was ardent, filled with violence and craving, a kiss you give someone when you’re furious with them. I hated Joe in that moment and I showed him what I wanted to do to him; make his lips swollen to the sound of resentment.  
I didn’t dare take my eyes off of him as I did so; he needed to witness the whole thing.  
Joe got the hint and twirled Gigi around, just before smashing his lips to hers.  
His eyes were hungry, brimming with sexual appetite.  
If I’d had it my way, I would have pushed Miss Universe away to run to Joe and make out with him, before the eyes of every participant at that afterparty.  
The fascinating thing was that Olivia’s lips felt like his, given I was thinking of him in those circumstances. 

**Joe’s POV**  
Days later, news websites exploded with pictures from that party, with headlines reading **Things getting steamy for Joe and Nick Jonas and their girlfriends** or **Two thirds of the Jonas Brothers enlighten Fashion Rocks 2014 with passion for their ladies.**  
Naive of them to assume that we were bristling with desire for those two women, while the reality of things was far different.  
We were making it hot with Olivia and Gigi, but may I be struck by lightning if we didn’t wish we were dirty dancing with each other.  
It got so bad that, upon returning home, I had to do the business with Gigi, just so I could cool off.  
Even in that situation I thought of being with Nick, wondering if he was doing the same with his beau. Gigi didn’t hear it when I called his name at the end, maybe because she was too worked up to tell.  
I got to the realization that I was still very much into Nick and that I missed him so, so much, sexually speaking.  
I fell asleep with a smile on my face, basking into the consciousness that he missed me too and it was only a matter of time before we would lie together again.


	12. Love Of My Life

**Demi’s POV**  
I knew Nick and Joe were a couple long before I had any confirmation of it.  
Hanging out with the two of them was always kind of weird because I was always the one being left out, even if Nick was supposed to be, given I was Joe’s girlfriend for some time.  
Well, define girlfriend. He was my beard for covering up my sexual confusion, which I was exploring with none other than Nick’s current pretend lover.  
The world of the Big Mouse was fairly messed up, that much is true. What Joe and Nick had was the only pure thing that it had to offer.  
I was gutted when the Jonas Brothers broke up, they were harmony in person, so I suspected that there could be a disturbance among the dream team.  
Turns out, Nick had cheated on Joe, something he found the courage to tell me after months of living with me. I had nothing against it, I’m certainly not a saint - I had cheated on Miley with Wilmer Valderrama - but I can understand why he was afraid of saying it out loud.  
Nick had always been scared of disappointing his loved ones, which stemmed from him always being told to be the best, be it from having three brothers, be it from finding success at a very young age.  
I wanted to help him get Joe back, so I gave him the best bits of advice I had in me, when he asked for them.  
It was gut wrenching to see him break down in front of me, especially after he’d met his niece for the first time.  
One day, while casually sitting at home, I mentally took a trip to some years before and found myself in a park, tired after singing Send It On for Disney Channel, but happy to be in the company of those two adorable sweethearts.  
I remember it as if it were yesterday, everyone had gone home; Joe, Nick and I were the only ones left, laughing about the good times. Joe was sitting on the grass, with his legs open, Nick was lying on his back with his head rested on his brother's thigh, as if it was a pillow.   
Nick always did that cute thing with Joe and it never failed to melt my heart.   
Joe mindlessly played with the younger boy's curls as he laughed his heart out.  
Oh, how happy he looked as he just sat there with his soulmate, not doing anything special except for enjoying his mere company.   
"You guys are the sweetest!" I chimed in.   
Nick giggled so much that his dimples were showing, such a rare sight, as he would seldom smile.   
Ah, times were so much easier back in the day.  
I came back to reality as soon as Nick called me on the phone.   
"Hello?" I said after picking up.   
"Dem- I can't believe this!" He said, then he proceeded to tell me all about the night before.   
I was glad to hear that he and Joe had not killed each other at a charitable event, but I wasn't sure about the whole 'I'm touching and kissing her but I would love to touch and kiss you instead' thing, mainly because I felt it was childish.   
Ugh, I really wanted those two to run off into the sunset, holding hands, like Joe and I had done in a music video for yet another song for Disney Channel.  
"Really? Well, it sounds… Odd? But, wow, how is it that you're still alive and speaking to me right now?" I said.   
I heard Nick's shy chortle through the phone. He had taken that moment pretty seriously.   
"No clue. All I know is I felt so thrilled and powerful to be doing that. And good God, I wanted to do him right there on that dance floor. You should have seen it, he was practically fucking her ass through her dress." he whined.   
"Really? I'm going to have to go and check."   
I said, then I opened twitter to see some pictures from the afterparty.   
The content was… Interesting. Joe and Nick had really crossed a line; the older Jonas could be seen grabbing Gigi Hadid in ways that could be deemed as not so chaste, while the younger one was definitely using Miss Culpo in order to be the friction in Joe’s black jeans.  
The fans were going crazy on that site.  
One girl tweeted: "Omg! Do you see how Nick is holding Olivia? That's so hot!" while another one replied to her saying "IKR! I ship them so hard! And what about Joe and Gigi Hadid? Lucky girl!"   
"Woah, what a dirty dog Joe is! You can totally see, even if the pictures are not in the best quality, the fire in your eyes as you look at each other!" I observed.   
I bet Kevin had seen those photos too and had noticed what I had before him.   
But, of course, average people who didn't know Joe and Nick personally didn't have the slightest idea.   
"I have a good feeling about this, you know? Like, I think it won't be long before I can be in Hadid's place." He smirked. I couldn't see him, but I could have sworn he did.   
"Nick, you're so nasty, but yeah, hopefully it will happen soon." I said, sighing. I was wishing it wouldn’t take five more years before I could be in the company of my favorite couple again and relive those Disney nights.  
Through it all, though, there was a small voice in my head telling me that both Nick I were getting our hopes up a little too much.

**Joe's POV**

I went back on the scene in 2015 and I did it perfectly.  
I had met three very interesting people, who were looking for a frontman in their band, which went by the name of DNCE.   
I didn’t even have to audition - I was in almost right away.  
These band mates were a lot different than my brothers; for example, they liked to dye their hair, dress in cool ways and sing about stuff that wasn’t just being in love with a girl’s eyes.  
The songs contained sexual innuendos, metaphors that weren’t so poetical… It was really fun.  
Our first single, which had a lot of success, was called Cake By The Ocean and, yes, it was about sex on the beach.  
I wrote that song and showed it to Jack, Cole and JinJu and they loved it at first listen.  
They, of course, assumed I’d written it about Gigi - who was now my it girl - but no, it was about Nick.  
It was an elusive reference to our 2011 vacation in Hawaii; it had been a very tortuous time and Nick and I had not had sex on the beach, despite my desire to do so.  
Cake By The Ocean was indeed about that missed encounter - and the longing to have one in the future.  
Nick and Kevin were strangely supportive of this new passion of mine, although my communication with my older brother was only limited to birthday wishes and such.  
I’d see him at Christmas, at least, or on rare occasions, when he let me take care of my niece.  
Nick and I were getting along again, but it was more of a farce, on my part. True, I was no longer mad at him for cheating on me, but I had never brought up the issue again, moreover I had hidden it under the rug.  
You can pretend like the problem doesn’t exist all you want, but it won’t ever fade.   
I just wasn’t ready to reopen that wound yet; I preferred seeing him once in a while and have lunch with him, ignoring the hidden taste of unspoken words, mixed in with pasta.   
Sometimes, if we were both free, we’d work out together, but there was never anything else.   
It was more that I was afraid of being hurt again, even if part of me wanted him in every way I could have him, but on the other hand… there was something holding me back.  
Also, it was sort of gratifying to see Nick fall apart right in front of me, if there was ever the chance I could provoke him - and I intended on continuing to do so.  
He knew that my song was about him, so he put out a track in response to it, Under You, which basically said he missed being under me.  
It was amusing, the fact that we were communicating through music.  
Me missing sex with him, him missing sex with me, me saying I had been hurt by him, him saying he regretted hurting me…   
That was the way we were telling each other what had upset us and when we were face to face, we'd act as if nothing had happened.   
I was also doing some shows in 2015, while Nick was filming movies and Kingdom - a tv show in which he was gay, meaning he was not acting at all - other than going on tour.   
An unstoppable little man, he was.   
I loved performing live with DNCE, even if it was weird to sing without Nick by my side, but it was just that I needed to get used to his absence on stage with me.   
I was doing interviews again, after what had felt like a very long time.   
People would often ask me about the Brothers, because let's face it, everyone always wanted to know the juiciest details of my personal life.   
I would respond by saying that they were my brothers and, no matter what, we'd always be a family, but that I would never be in a band with them in the future.  
It was a pretty little lie, because I would have given anything to see that happen one more time.   
Nick was a big fan of DNCE, maybe because he was seeing a part of me he thought as super awesome.   
It wasn't unusual for him to write songs for me to sing with my group - which basically meant we were working together again - and the lyrics were OK, but they weren't as crazy as I wanted them to be.   
I didn't mind though, as that was an excuse to spend time with him.   
In early 2016, Nick had been broken up with Olivia for around five months, and he was living in Los Angeles with Demi Lovato, so we were essentially neighbors - we just had to walk three blocks to meet up.  
One night we found ourselves in the house I shared with Gigi, alone.   
We were sitting next to each other, Nick had a guitar in his hands, and we were humming to a tune for a song he had written for me to add on my new album.   
The harmonization was magical, our voices together were a reminder that we had been great as a singing duo. There wasn't a voice as perfect as his to be mixed in with mine - and I had performed with a lot of singers in the past.   
As our voices followed the musical notes, I noticed a strange kind of ignition in Nick's face.   
I couldn't tell what it was at first glance, but it was sort of mesmerizing.   
He suddenly stopped singing and his eyes shifted to me.   
He was looking at me straight into my eyes, not saying anything, before he awkwardly said something.   
"I, um, have something I'd love to.. say."   
He muttered. He was visibly blushing.   
"Go on." I practically whispered.   
He nodded, then he went on to strum his guitar. I recognized the base right away; he was playing the instrumental of Love Of My Life by Queen.   
Love of my life, you've hurt me   
You've broken my heart and now you leave me  
Love of my life, can't you see?  
Bring it back, bring it back

His voice showed so much emotion. I was blown away by his ability to represent someone as amazing as Freddie Mercury… and the lyrics, he'd made them his.   
There was raw pain in the way he said those words.  
He was telling me something that was extremely significant to him; I had broken his heart by leaving him and he wanted me back into his life, as his lover.   
He was referring to me as the love of his life and that was enough to make me feel an enormous joy in my heart.  
Through the fights, the scheming, there was always a constant that was there to stay: I would always be the love of his life.   
About halfway through the song, he let go of the guitar and rose to his feet.   
Facing me, he asked me if he could have this dance. As soon as I consented to that request, he took me by the left hand and helped me get up.   
He placed his free hand on my lower back and then we began dancing slowly and really, really close, all of this as he continued to sing.   
I felt drunk with the love I felt for him while we turned around in circles around the sofa and our faces were inches apart.   
His voice was soft, almost like a caress to the cheek, smooth as ever.   
It was like I needed to hear that gentle sound, which was soothing to the ear and, most importantly, to the heart.   
I had never felt so much at peace and so safe before.   
I wanted that moment to last forever, I would have been fine with us never parting again from that physical and emotional contact.  
Tears formed into Nick's eyes as he unveiled what he really felt for me, there was no doubt that he was truly sorry for cheating on me.   
I flashed him a smile, a natural one that had been born from nothing but my sensations.   
He used all of his voice to sing the last bits of that Queen classic. 

When I grow older  
I will be there at your side to remind you  
How I still love you

He was fully crying, naked from a psychological point of view, and just there, saying that he would have loved me even at an old age.   
When he brought the song to an end, we stared at each other, breathed into each other for quite a while, before he pulled away from me and told me that he had said all he needed to say to me.   
"I hope you get the idea of what I tried to communicate with you." He said, looking at my lips. I knew he wanted me to react by kissing him.   
"Oh Nicky," I said quietly, leaning in. "You have got a lot to learn."  
Nick trembled for a good ten seconds as I brushed his bottom lip with my thumb.   
That action was so intimate that I could hardly keep myself from crashing into him.   
"Joe." he breathed against me.   
It was a game, the first one giving up would have lost it and I didn't want to be the loser.   
He had his eyes closed, shaking his head so he could still feel my thumb on his lip.   
He enclosed my pollex in his mouth and gently sucked on it.   
I gasped at that, but I didn't flinch too much. I had planned it.   
I moved it in and out of his mouth, adding a hint of erotism to it. I then removed it quickly, making sure to pull his lip down in the process.   
We were both breathing irregularly, our hearts were pounding loudly, we could hear each other's beats.   
"Please." Nick moaned under his breath.  
"Please what?" I asked nonchalantly.   
He didn't say anything, he just did what I was waiting for him to do all along; he attacked my lips with his own, with such strength, I stumbled a little.


	13. Ancient Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter contains explicit sexual content.

**Nick's POV**

I was kissing Joe, for the first time in two and half, long, years. The kiss was ravenous and even a bit violent;rough but passionate at the same time. His mouth felt different, far from our first messy kiss as teenagers. His stubble tickled at the edges, his lips were fuller and scratchier, and his technique… he had learned so much about making out with people in the time he hadn’t done it with me.  
It was decisively an improvement, not that our early kisses were bad, but they were a bit too vanilla.  
Other than the arousal that came from tasting those delicious lips again, I felt utterly in love with him. I had spent the last few years feeling broken inside, exhausted from all those nights where I’d stay awake, dreading to fall asleep and dream about the good times that had transformed into a severe form of punishment, trapped into a life of mere survival; now I was alive again.  
Joe's response to it was just as thirsty as mine.   
He wouldn’t set my already used lip free from the eager cage that his teeth were, biting me so exquisitely that I couldn’t care less that the lower part of my mouth was becoming sore.  
He pulled my hair lightly while my hands were under his T-shirt, all over his body, happy to be feeling his abs under their fingers again.  
It wasn't long before I removed that piece of clothing from him and threw it to the ground.   
"Nick, you're just unbelievable. " Joe said in between kisses. "The song was pure fire."   
"Uh-huh." I said, not really listening to him.   
All I cared about was being able to have sex with him right then and there.   
"Really, you sang it beautifully. I love you too, oh God I do!" He continued to say, sounding a little drunk.   
He took off my shirt too, now our nude chests were touching and his warmth was something I had missed with all of myself.   
Olivia had never been able to make me feel like that, not even after drinking a whole bottle of tequila.   
While Joe… he'd made me as hard as I'd ever been, and we weren't even giving attention to our private parts yet.  
I pushed Joe on the sofa, then I climbed on top of him.   
I rocked my body onto his, unable to wait any further for something more to take place.   
We were sitting, not lying down because, even in those moments, I didn't want anything bad to happen to my guitar.   
Joe grabbed my ass through my jeans and encouraged me to keep jerking onto him.   
We french kissed again, our tongues saying hello to each other after being apart for the longest time.   
I could feel it, that ancient spark, running through our veins and binding us together.  
Joe's hands were now posed on my belt buckle, undoing it with precision.   
He pulled my pants down, silently begging me to do the same to him.   
I did more than he wanted me to do - I got down from his lap and got on my knees.   
I spread his legs so that I could have more space, then I took off his trousers.   
Joe's erection sprung free from his underwear and I instantly took it into my mouth, using my hand to stroke the length.   
I sucked on the tip, fully aware that it was what it took to make Joe go wild. 

He whimpered, his hips thrusting forward so that I could take more of his throbbing member into my mouth.   
"Oh, Jesus, Nick!" he gasped. He was hardly staying sane with each swirl of my tongue; I could feel his body twitch uncontrollably and I was enjoying that I was the maker of his fate.   
I was winning the game.   
His hands were pulling not so softly at my hair and that was the part that I liked the most about giving him head.   
Doing it to Olivia, that few times that it had happened, just wasn't the same, she'd just grab the sheets.   
There were probably two minutes left before Joe would come, but I didn't want the show to end just yet.   
I got back up on my feet, enjoying the look of pure ecstasy that was on his face.   
I smirked as I took off my own boxers.  
"Why did you stop?" Joe asked in a desperate plea, probably convinced that I wanted to leave him there hanging in mid air.   
I wasn't planning on doing anything of that sort, what I had done to him was just the beginning.

To do what I had in mind, I needed to find myself a lubricating liquid, as I had not had any sort of anal insertion in years.  
I knew that Joe and Gigi were doing the deed - after Fashion Rocks, it was evident - and I hardly believed that they wouldn’t use lubricants once in a while.  
I left Joe there on that couch and proceeded to go look into his bedroom.  
Messy, as always. Socks had been flown everywhere, while his bed was obviously unmade. There was no time to tidy up his room - not while I was naked, at least - so I patiently launched myself into an accurate search.  
Inside of Joe’s junk drawer I found an individually packed condom and a small, opened bottle of lube. Bingo.  
I went back into the living room and finally, for Joe’s good, I tore open the silvery packet and slid the condom onto his dick.  
I wanted to use protection, now that Joe and I had had relations with other people. I certainly didn’t want to inherit an STD from Hadid.  
Joe grunted at the change, not really hating it. He murmured in unintelligible words as I coated his fingers with lube.  
“Joseph, I need you to do me a favor. You need to help me out here.” I said hotly into his ear, before giving it a lick. I sat back onto his lap.  
Joe nodded, and pushed his lubed up fingers inside of my entrance. I hissed, but the pain was bearable. Once I thought I was ready for something more, I let him know by swatting his hand away.  
I then positioned myself on his cock. It took me a few seconds to adjust to the intrusion, since Joe’s member had become bigger in size - at least, that’s what it felt like to my untouched hole.  
I let myself slide on his penis, until he was balls deep inside me.  
Without further ado, I began riding him, cowgirl (in my case, cowboy) position.  
“Oh, fuck.” I groaned. I had forgotten how good it felt to be fucked by Joe. Each time I shoved myself onto him, I felt shocks of pleasure take over me, lull me into a rediscovered form of bliss.   
I wondered how I could have lived for more than two years without it.  
My back arched and Joe had to grab both my buttcheeks to help me steady myself.  
Between the two of us, though, Joe was the one falling apart faster.  
He kept on moaning, almost singing with each of his thrust.  
Our union had become a sort of musical concert, no violins had ever sounded so beautiful to me, no trumpets had ever created a melody so catchy that it would hypnotize every listener.

“Fuck, Nick, Yes!” Joe groaned. “Don’t stop!”  
As if it was possible for me to stop.  
I kept on bouncing up and down until I felt my body shake. I reached the orgasm only thirty seconds before Joe did. We both came loudly, not being able to suppress our screams, and then I collapsed onto him.  
Sweating and breathing heavily, I rested my head on Joe’s shoulder, wrapping my arms around his pulsating neck. The post orgasm tiredness had made me feel so relaxed, I could have fallen asleep like that.  
I could feel his breath going back to normal.  
Once he had regained himself, he rubbed my naked back softly.  
“I love you so much.” He whispered. Not sure if it was his after sex bliss, or his actual feelings for me, but I still planted a soft peck on his lips, smiling in the process.

**Joe’s POV**

I woke up the next day to the smell of bacon and eggs.   
Gigi must be back early from her trip, I thought to myself as my eyes were still unopened.   
It hit me only when I heard Nick's voice talking on the phone; I had slept with him the night before.   
It had all happened so fast: us writing a song, him serenading me with Queen, us kissing and... boom, sex.   
After that we'd both stumbled to my bedroom, all giddy after our orgasms, and fallen asleep on my bed.  
I wondered how in the world I was going to talk to Nicholas or look him in the eyes… it would have been very awkward.   
I lay in bed for several minutes before I decided to get up and go downstairs to meet him.   
I put on some boxers and the first tank top I could find, then I lazily walked down the stairs.   
Throughout the whole journey to the kitchen I rehearsed, in my head, what I would say to him.  
It was all stuff along the lines of “Hey, so where do we stand now?” but I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to say those things, the moment I’d find him in front of me.  
Once I was standing right outside of the kitchen, I noticed a small amount of anxiety creeping up to me. I was completely terrified that I would do something to scare him away or make him mad at me.  
I chose to ignore my fear and walked into the room that contained Nick.  
He was video calling Demi Lovato, while scooping breakfast in two different plates.   
They were giggling, definitely gushing about his night with me - typical of Nick and Demi.  
And to think that he’d used to hate her guts.   
I couldn’t forget how jealous he would get whenever I had to fake kiss her, and now, there they were, video chatting like two teenage girls straight out of an episode of a Netflix chick flick.  
It was Demi who noticed me through the camera. “Oh, Hi Joe!” she squealed, her hands moving frantically in a greeting.  
Boy, was I glad I hadn’t come down naked.  
I said hello back to her with a sheepish chuckle.  
Nick turned around, his cheeks crimson red from the embarrassment - he had totally just spilled the beans on our heated encounter - and flashed me a grin.   
“Oh, morning, Joe, um…” Nick babbled. I almost felt bad for him, the poor boy was dying out there. “Um, Demz? I’m going to have to leave you now.. I’ll see you at home!” That said, he hung up on her, without even letting her say anything in response.  
I mentally shook my head at him, he was so naive, it was unbelievably cute.

“Boy trouble?” I asked, making a mirror face.  
“Well, not really trouble, per se…” Nick said, massaging his neck. His eyes did everything in their power to divert from me and I found it strangely adorable.  
“So, I see you’ve been cooking.” I changed the subject. As much as I enjoyed playing with him, seeing him like that made me feel like I was being mean.  
“Yeah, so here’s your plate, and there’s mine… let’s go eat in the dining room, shall we?”  
Ah, small talk, it cuts you like a very sharp knife, sometimes.   
We ended up taking the food to the sofa, where something had gone down not even eight hours prior, since the dining room had not been used in so long, it would have taken us ages to make it breakfast-ready.  
While eating, we didn’t say a word to each other. It was one of those moments when you don’t really know what to say to a person and, whatever you do say to them, they don’t make any effort to keep the conversation going.  
“Listen, I-”  
“I need-”  
We both broke the silence at the same time. How uncomfortable.  
Nick gave a nervous laugh.  
“About last night…” he began. “I think it was great. We really bonded, it seems, and I was thinking, although I would totally understand if you didn’t accept this proposal of mine, I mean who would ask such a thing after cheating, right? Only a-”  
“Nick, just… go straight to the point.” I interrupted.  
Nick must have been really nervous, in order to be that chatty.  
“Ok.” he took a deep breath. “Can we be an item again?” he asked, at last.  
He bit his lip - the one I had pretty much abused- and gave me the most hopeful look I had even seen on his face.  
Oh, wow, so that was where he was standing. I can explain how I felt only by using Franklin’s words regarding a presentation at school, which he hadn’t studied for, “I was standing there, before the eyes of my whole class, not being able to let a word out my mouth. Everyone was expecting me to say something, but my inability to do so made me wish I had never left the bed in the first place. I could hardly keep myself from crying out of disappointment for myself.”  
A bit too dramatic, I know, but I really had no idea what to say.  
Nick got that my silence was a form of hesitation, so he spoke again.   
“I get it. You’re still pretty shaken because of what I did to you in 2013. Honestly, Joe, I’m so sorry for sleeping with someone else, I was drunk, stupid and maybe a little angry with you, petty that you were making out with someone else, even in my presence, just so the press wouldn’t be suspicious of you being with me.“ He was telling the truth, that much I knew, but I still wasn’t sure that it would be a good idea to go back to being boyfriends. I didn’t want to feel that pain again.

Nick went on,“You don’t know how many nights I spent awake, wishing I could go back in time and talk about those issues with you, instead of acting behind your back. I was so incredibly scared, dreading that you would never speak to me again. All of those months apart, trying to get in touch with you, receiving no response, it felt worse than any bad thing I could have ever gone through before.   
I tried to move on but nothing, no one, was enough for me to stop thinking about you. Then you came back into my life, in a way that left me confused. I did feel, however, that this was you pretending like the problem didn’t exist on the surface, while you were still hurting on the inside.  
So, I’m going to ask you one last time, you’re free to say no and, if you do, I’ll leave you alone. Can we get back together?”.  
The correct answer would have been No. You don’t get back with your ex, Kevin docet, but Nick… he had not been any ex, he’d been the only one I had ever loved.  
What I really wanted was to say yes, get back with him and give no shits that we were brothers and that we would have had to keep it a secret, for the rest of our lives if we had to.  
You can only run from your heart for so long, but, in the end, everything will catch up to you.  
Suddenly, I saw a 15 year old Nick again, staring at me after he’d kissed me for the first time.  
I hadn’t hesitated that time, maybe because I was younger and I had not gone through heartbreak at his hands yet, but… did it really make sense to let go of such a good thing?  
Dani’s words from six years before rang in my ears.  
I think that something as precious as what you have can't be thrown away, she’d said.  
“Nick, how dumb do you think I am?” I asked, dead serious.  
My question made him flinch and become pale in the face.   
“No, I really don't! If you don’t want me to stay here, I’ll go right now, I-” he was stuttering, on the verge of tears. He’d hoped I would say yes and let me just say… he hadn’t guessed wrong.  
“Just let me finish. You really think I’m dumb enough to give up on everything that we’ve built, on the only person in my life that I would die for, just for things that have happened in the past? Do you even know me?”I grinned slily.  
Nick covered his mouth with his hands. He looked like a girl who had just heard that she was going to see the Jonas Brothers live in 2009.  
“Really? You want to be with me again?” he asked, not believing what had just been said.  
I just had to nod my head, and that was his cue for him to launch himself at me and pull me into a hug.  
Nick was so happy, that he couldn’t help emitting contented sighs from his mouth.  
“Nick,” I said as we pulled away, “I know we haven’t had the best two years and it will take me a long while before I can trust you completely, but I don’t want to live in resentment for the rest of my life. Hence, I’m willing to try again.”  
“I can’t even believe this is real, it feels like I’m in a dream!” Nick was hyperventilating, resembling a fangirl at a concert yet another time.  
That made me chuckle softly. Nick was the purest form of cuteness that the universe had ever had the pleasure to host, it seemed. He’d surely taken a sigh of relief. I knew I had punished him in the beginning, but a bit of distance had been a cure-all for us.   
We’d both realized that we were simply better together and being apart had made that concept stronger only. I knew that there was a lot of healing to do, mostly because we had to mend what had been broken, but I was positive that we would have made it.  
“However, Nicholas, I find it essential that I clarify one thing; we will still need to keep it all under the radar. And no more jealousy rage.” I said the last bit while playfully slapping his chest.  
Nick seemed to find my request a bit inconvenient. He’d even written a song about his jealousy towards me.   
“Fine.” he said, unwillingly, but fully aware that it was the best thing to do. “I promise. No more of that, but you have to promise me that you won’t ever put those condoms and lube to use with Jelena ever again.”  
Jelena. That made me giggle. Nobody ever called Gigi by her birth name. Nick must have loathed her extensively.  
“Promise.” I said with a smile.  
We sealed our vows with a kiss and left the dirty dishes outside of the dishwasher for about an hour, as we were busy doing something else.


	14. Behind 2016

**Nick's POV**  
Joe and Gigi broke off their relationship a week after Joe and I got back together, and I couldn't be happier.   
With that, came my decision to move in with him.  
Poor Demi, she would have lived by herself from that point on. Not that she didn't have someone, but Wilmer didn't really want to live with her.   
Cohabitation with her wasn't easy, in fact part of the reason I left her home was that she was too much, sometimes.   
She was often irritable and would lash out on the people she found next to her at any given moment.   
It was still good to call her once in a while to chat about our individual boy drama.   
Plus, I would have gone on tour with her pretty soon and I needed a break from her.   
I told the world I was living with Joe on Ellen DeGeneres' show.   
She'd called me as a guest to talk about my upcoming tour with Demi, my album and stuff like that.   
"I'm living with Joe actually." I said to her, during her interview, after she'd asked me why I had moved out of the house she was landlady of (Demi's). "We're both single, so I guessed it would only make sense to share a home together. After all, that's what we'd been doing since I was born."   
The audience exploded in a chorus of "awws" thinking that they were witnessing a brotherly bond…   
"Cool!" said Ellen, then two seconds later the big screen behind us showed a picture of me and Joe, the one from Fashion Rocks. I was glad that I was wearing a whole lot of foundation, otherwise everyone would have noticed me blushing like crazy.   
Shit had gone down after that picture.   
"What is it like living with him?" Ellen curiously asked, "I heard he's not so neat?"   
Oh dear, he was the messiest person I knew.   
I could never forget looking for a condom in that room of his, where clothes made it hard to even walk, but I couldn't really say it.   
"He leaves stuff lying around the whole house, which is frustrating sometimes, but, overall, he's nice to come back to. It's relaxing to go home after a stressful day in studios and such, to be able to chill with him while drinking a handful of beers." And we get to have sex daily.   
Again, the audience squealed at the adorableness.   
They would have thrown rotten tomatoes at me, had they known what really happened at night, in that house.   
I went on to tell an anecdote about Joe not finding his phone charger, as he was used to stacking it under the bed, while I'd put it in the drawer where it belonged.   
Poor Joe, I was exposing him, but at least he was getting payback from all of the times he would steal my socks, which was something I hated.   
"Because you both have busy lives, though, it must be hard to even be home at the same time." said Ellen.   
"Actually, we were home at the same time, today. It was right before I came here."   
I said, shyly, remembering about what had happened only hours prior.  
Joe and I had showered together, and that had been one of the best sexual experiences of my life, although very slippery.  
He'd left me a hickey right in the middle of my back, which was lucky because no one could see it through my thick layers of clothing.   
Ellen went on to ask me if I was looking for love or if I was enjoying the single life, my mouth spoke robotically and made up some cliché-like answers, while my mind hated me for being so dishonest.   
No, Ellen, I'm not single and I've already found love, but I can't let you in on the details about who it is, or I will be arrested.   
**Joe's POV**  
Nick was a guest on Ellen, unaware that I was there too, behind the scenes, waiting for my cue to show myself to him.   
I was fibrillating to come out of my hiding spot and join him on that couch, but first he had to perform one of his new songs.   
Ugh, I hated that song so much because in the music video for it, he was all wrapped up with Tove Lo.   
Thank God she wasn't there to sing her part.   
Watching him perform was always a good experience, but there was something… Missing.  
It was a lot like when you take a bite of your steak and realize that it lacks most of its seasoning.   
What he was missing was me, my voice mixing in with his, as music put us in a trance that only the two of us knew about.   
Plus, singing a song about wanting to be close to someone would have been perfect for us.   
When he was done performing, one of the men from the audio management told me that I would have had to make my entrance in five minutes, which sounded like an extremely long time.   
I couldn't wait to see Nick's face, since he'd basically roasted me the whole time, given he'd talked about me being so messy at home.   
Naughty, naughty Nick, he really deserved a spanking.   
If only he hadn't been on national television, I would have sat on that couch, put him over my knee, taken off his pants and swatted his butt repeatedly.   
Obviously, he would have loved it, but that was a whole other discussion.   
Nick liked to be spanked, it was something he'd also confessed in an interview, and I always made sure to fulfill his desires.  
"So please welcome your room mate and brother from the same mother, Joe Jonas!" I heard Ellen say.   
Finally, it was my time to shine.   
The crowd went crazy and screamed and applauded as if they’d just seen me sing and dance with my brothers at a concert.  
As soon as I set foot on the stage, I noticed that Nick was laughing from the embarrassment. Poor thing.   
I walked in a different direction than his and acted as if I was too offended to greet him properly.   
His face just made it impossible to carry on with it, for he was so cute.   
His bashful smile, the one he'd worn the first time he'd seen my private parts, was irresistibile.   
I had to use all of the strength in my body to avoid kissing him, like I'd do whenever I'd come back home.   
I went in for half a hug; it was quick, but long enough for me to whisper to him that his dick looked big in those pants and that he made me want to blow him.   
I hugged Ellen next, acting all innocent. I couldn’t see Nick’s face, but I was sure that he was trying his hardest to conceal his newly formed boner. I was smirking on the inside, because the revenge was so sweet.  
Nick wondered how I had been sneaky enough to keep my guest appearance on Ellen a secret, since we had left home at the same time and we had clearly gone in two different directions.  
Well, what can I say, years of practice from the early Jonas Brothers tour days, when we had to find ways to make out without people noticing.  
It wasn’t what I said though, I just told him I’d built a tunnel and crawled through it.  
“Joe and his jokes!” said the host of the show, “And his mess, right? Nick said you always leave things lying around…”  
I wasn’t the neatest person in the world, but I certainly wasn’t that messy.  
Did Ellen really want to know who the messiest one of us was?  
Not really an appropriate thing to let the world know about.  
I defended myself, saying that Nick had exaggerated my messiness in order to create a sort of comic subplot.  
Nick responded by saying that he was really uncomfortable knowing that I had been backstage the whole time. While doing so, his hands conveniently covered the front of his crotch; now he was the sneaky one.  
“I think the best way to settle our differences is a game of pie face.” I said, pointing at a pie settled on a small catapult.  
That was going to be so fun, especially because I knew that Nick was going to lose and get all of that delicious whipped cream all over his pretty, yet smug, face.  
I was going to make the game a lot more difficult by distracting him.  
I made sure he was looking at me every time I hit the catapult button, simulating the swats I would usually reserve for his bottom cheeks.  
I would also grab my crotch, once in a while. His reaction was a massive amount of stuttering. I was killing him out there, and I had gone really easy on him.

That was why he, indeed, lost the game, being slapped with a cream pie all over his face.  
He was so attractive, with white stuff as a facial, undoubtedly reminding me of that morning in the shower, after he’d gotten his face dirty with another kind of white substance.  
He licked some of the frosting from his hand, turning me on in the process.   
Whenever we did those sexual games, he always knew how to counteract and I hated him for it.  
He didn’t even let me enjoy my winner’s glory for thirty seconds; he took some of the leftover whipped cream from the plastic plate and smeared it all over my face.  
Fair enough, now we both looked like our rendition of that morning.  
“You were such a teasing bastard out there.” said Nick after coming back home, upon entering our bedroom.  
He was already in his boxers only, at that point.  
“Oh come on, Nicky Dicky.” I said with a smirk. “That was just me taking my revenge for you exposing my messy ways to the whole wide world.”  
“You almost exposed my little problem to the said whole wide world because you purposely chose to give me a boner in front of everyone!” Nick roared just before grabbing me by my T shirt. “That would have been rather hard to explain!”  
“Well, a humiliation for a humiliation. And besides, the worst thing the public could have thought, was that you were extremely attracted to Ellen Degeneres.” I chuckled. “And I wouldn’t call that problem small.”  
“You are an asshole, Joseph!” Nick moaned against my lips.  
After that, we went on to recreate our own version of Pie Face.  
 **Nick’s POV**  
The first half of 2016, I have to say, was the best time of my life, since it included my reconciliation with Joe, together with our rediscoverage of each other. It was nothing but bliss.  
We knew that rebuilding trust wouldn’t have been an easy task, and that it would have taken a very long time, but we were both willing to work things out.   
Kevin, of course, was still having a hard time accepting that his brothers were in a relationship with each other, but he was happy that we were finally getting along again, after all those years filled with tension.  
Then came June and the Future Now tour, which meant I had to spend three whole months in the company of Demi.  
Going on an endless journey of fun with your best friend? Every guy’s dream, right?  
Well, yeah, Demi had been there for me for the last few years, but as I said earlier, she was becoming… too much.  
She was sober from drugs - except for marijuana- but she really wasn’t a healthy being.  
In fact, she was becoming a bit too obsessed with me and my relationship with Joe.  
She found it so fascinating that we were related and that we were basically committing a crime, yet we were still in love and all that jazz. Her constant questions asking made me grow suspicious that she had a weird interest in the two of us, almost like she was constantly planning a threesome.  
Therefore, I wasn’t too excited to tour with her for all those months, given I was afraid she’d make advances on me, or suggest we “call Joe” and get things done.  
Joe came to some of our shows, though, and sometimes even performed with us, and during those times Demi was unbearable.  
When she’d sing one of their Camp Rock duets with him, her hands would spend too much time on my boyfriend, and on me if we were singing our duet song, Avalanche.  
If Joe was around, he and I would get a private room in the hotel we’d stay at, just so we could have much needed private time, but Demi would always find a way to make us stay awake until it was too late at night and we were too tired to get all hot and bothered.  
The times Joe and I weren’t together (this happened if he was busy doing something else) I would still get a room by myself, but, again, my tour mate would make it so that I wouldn’t sleep for a while.  
One time, she even casually came into the bathroom while I was in the shower - apparently, I had forgotten to lock the door to the suite - and just talked to me, with such nonchalance that I started realising that something was certainly wrong with her, but I let that go.  
I definitely didn’t listen to my instincts and didn’t make a big deal out of those clear red flags.  
Hell, I even felt guilty that I had those thoughts about her, so much that they troubled my sleep at night. They made me feel like I was ungrateful; after all, she had been the only one who had beared with me through the hard times and had been the one to get me back on track, other than the fact that she’d prevented me from killing myself…  
How I wish I had known everything that I know now.  
Since Joe couldn’t spend all of his time on tour with us and had many projects due with DNCE, we would find ourselves missing each other incredibly, which would remind me of a few years prior, back when I was with the Administration.  
Inevitably, he’d party a lot without me - which was something I would do, too, except with Demi’s crazy friends - and, in one of said parties, his fellow bandmates introduced him to the woman who would have become his wife, twenty year old Game of Thrones star, Sophie Turner.


End file.
